I have reached a point in my life where I’m feeling really stagnant in my spirituality. I had a great Circle in the last place that I lived. While I didn’t go all the time, I feel like they helped me continue to connect with my spirituality.
I have moved since then. I also had a baby, so there’s a 9 month old to look after. Somewhere in all of this, I really feel like I’ve lost my spirituality. I haven’t meditated on my own in over a year. I barely even celebrate all of the Sabbats, much less the full moons.
When I first discovered I was Pagan, I read every book I could find on the subject. Since the internet really wasn’t helpful for Pagans at that point in time and most bookstores didn’t have many Pagan books, that really wasn’t that many books for me. I read the Scott Cunningham book (you know which one) and a bunch of very misguided older books that I have since discarded.
Finally, the internet got a little more accessible and I was a WitchSchool student for quite some time. I got my first degree in Corellian Wicca and was halfway through my second degree when I met a teacher in real life. She taught me some stuff about Wicca I hadn’t learned. She also taught me Shamanic Journeying and Reiki. We had a falling out (she accused me of some very nasty things that weren’t true) and I moved again, though the two were unrelated.
Finally, I found my current circle. Or maybe I should say that they found me. They’re a bit more advanced. I liked that everything we did was open-ended and often non-pantheon-specific. You could walk away from Circle with a lot or a little, depending on the day. It was nice. There was one very interesting circle where Tyr had a message for me. Since then, I’ve tried to talk and connect with him, but I’m not sure really how to. Then I moved again.
Now I’m in a place that is VERY Christian, so I don’t really feel comfortable advertising the fact that I’m Pagan. It’s where that former teacher lives, so I also don’t have any interest in her knowing that I’m in the area. But I’m so lonely. I feel the need to learn again. I have a ton of books, but I still feel lost. I also have a ton of stuff. I have a number of Goddess statues and a few God statues. I have athames, pentacles, wands, incense, candles, and a ton of stones. I feel like I need to pare things down, but I just don’t know what to keep and what to get rid of. I feel like my spirituality needs work, but I’m so eclectic, I really don’t know where to start. It’s like I have too many choices and not enough direction. I could use some advice if anyone has any!
I’ve been having the same issue and I’m still part of that circle you mentioned! Mostly I’m detered by the state of the world and my lost faith in humanity. But I also find that I feel too busy with other things (though hardly as demanding as an infant). Best way for me to reconnect is to go out and be among nature and sit in a place not many people cross through. I listen to and watch the natural world… and then watch my perception fluctuate between sacred and mundane. Even my pro-science/atheist partner is in awe of nature… and that helps. It truly helps to find someone else who is fascinated by the world. Bring your baby with you on a stroll and then spend 10 minutes sitting and watch your baby express that awe. Put yourself in the baby’s position… wonder what their wondering!
Doing simple things is great too… like lighting a candle with intention (unscented with color in a safe baby-proof spot) . Welcoming in the deities, casting quarters around the house when you clean, and anything you can do that ties into your daily mundane rituals. Then write another blog post about it! (I do the same, except with a private paper journal.) Think of this as part of your Motherhood sacred rites… and tell us your experience of this transition from Maidenhood. I hear all mothers speak on how they lack time and attention for anything but their children… until they are out of the house and even then… some don’t regain a sense of maiden freedom.
For me, I find that breaking pattern often leads to spiritual connection. I’ll do something different, like wander outside, and wind up finding a gateway and becoming very aware of the miraculous nature of the world. A On May 22, 2018 9:56 AM, “The Musings of Autumn Stoneflower” wrote:
> AutumnStoneflower posted: ” I have reached a point in my life where I’m > feeling really stagnant in my spirituality. I had a great Circle in the > last place that I lived. While I didn’t go all the time, I feel like they > helped me continue to connect with my spirituality. I have m” >