Creating A Family Yule Tradition

There are many Pagans who struggle this time of year. It seems like everyone celebrates Christmas, but we celebrate Yule. Whether you’re a new Pagan trying to start new traditions or an experienced Pagan that wants to start including your family in your Sabbat celebrations, this article is for you.

Figure out what you want. Do you want your family to do rituals together? Do you want them to do what you usually do on Christmas, but only on the Solstice instead? Do you want to create new traditions? Which ones? Do a Google search to find some inspiration.

I personally wanted to create a cultural tradition with four presents apiece (something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read). We would have a tree, decorate it with ornaments and natural items like popcorn and cranberries. We would bake cookies together and share a family meal. We would sing songs and spend time together as a family.

Get your spouse or partner on board. Talk with your partner about what you want. Ask them what they want. It’s pretty much a guarantee that you won’t agree about something and will have to compromise.

For my family, I didn’t really care if my son had a mythical being that brought him presents, but my husband did. I hated the idea of our son participating in photos with Santa or our neighborhood nativity play, but my husband didn’t want him to feel left out. My husband’s family had a tradition of getting pajamas and a book the night before Christmas so they can wear them and read. He also had a tradition of the kids each getting an ornament each year, so that by the time they are 18, they will have at least 18 ornaments to decorate a tree of their own. They also all sat around while their parent read “The Night Before Christmas”.

In the end, we agreed to add an ornament to the four gifts. They would open two of the gifts the night before Yule so they could read in their pajamas. We would find some mythical being to believe in related to Yule. We will not do Santa and nativity plays. We also agreed to keep stockings a tradition, but haven’t figured out what to do with them, since they only get five presents. We don’t read “The Night Before Christmas”. My husband makes a big meal for us. The kid(s) and I make and decorate cookies, but not necessarily on Yule.

Take the age of your kids into consideration. The age of a child can make a big difference when it comes to changing family traditions. The given ages are only an approximation, so you can do what works best for you and your children.

0-3 years – If you have young kids, it is an ideal time to start new traditions. If they’re really young, they won’t remember what you did last year,so you can start whatever you want without them knowing any differently.

4-7 years – If they’re a bit older, you can just make your changes saying,”We will be doing it this way from now on.”

8-10 years – They will require more explanation and possibly easing them into it. One year you can change the date and keep everything else the same. The following year you can add one tradition you like and subtract one you don’t like. You can also give some examples and ask them what they would like to include.

11-18 years – At this age, they’re more independent. Due to developmental changes, they’re starting to be more interested in their peers than the family unit. Explain to them what you would like to do. Give them some options and ask for feedback. Don’t just listen to what they have to say and do what you want anyway. Actually incorporate at least one of their suggestions, even if it wasn’t what you had in mind. If they want to celebrate Yule by staying up all night with their friends at your house then exchanging presents at dawn, let them. At least they will be on board with celebrating it, even if it’s not quite what you envisioned.

18+ years – Assuming your kids are living outside of the home, it shouldn’t matter too much what you do to celebrate. If they celebrate with you, you can inform them. There might even be pushback because it’s not what they remember fondly from their childhood. If they really have a problem with it, discuss what traditions were the most important to them and continue those traditions. If your children still live at home over the age of 18, follow the protocol for 11-18 year olds.

Take your extended family into consideration. It’s likely that most of us have some family who aren’t Pagan. Figure out what part they will play in your celebrations. Some more open-minded family members might join you for Yule presents or a Yule dinner. Many will still insist on you celebrating Christmas or Hanukkah the same way they do every year. While you can do what you want, unless they’re toxic people, I see no need to alienate family members just because they celebrate a different holiday.

When my son gets old enough to ask, I intend to explain that they celebrate Christmas so we celebrate it with them. Just like we celebrate Yule, so they come celebrate it with us. Whenever something comes up at these other celebrations that I don’t agree with, I will chalk it up to a difference in holidays. “Oh, Santa comes here because they celebrate Christmas,” then explain that we don’t do Santa when the kid is out of earshot. You may have to explain a few times. You may choose to avoid family that refuses to abide by your wishes.

Take the rest of the world into consideration. When you have kids, they don’t live in a vacuum only seeing and hearing what you want them to. They will be exposed to Christmas at the very least. You should be prepared to explain to your kids when they ask about other holidays.

I personally believe mine should be educated so they know what is out there. I plan to tell him that different people celebrate different things and that’s okay.

What does your family do to celebrate Yule? Please let us know in the comments!

Tidying Up: Step 2: Books

I LOVE books! I thought this step was going to be very difficult. Our bookshelves were overflowing with books. There also was no room on them for my husband’s small collection of books. I know Marie Kondo disapproves of keeping the same classification of items in different places, but I keep my spiritual (a.k.a. Pagan) books upstairs near my altar. I do this for many reasons. First, when I am at my altar is when I will likely be reading or using these books. Second, I don’t like to display my Pagan books when it’s possible that people will stop by who won’t know I’m Pagan and I don’t want them to know that I’m Pagan. I also keep our cookbooks in the kitchen, for obvious reasons.

Also I have seen a lot of memes on various social media sites poo-pooing Marie Kondo because they took a quote from her out of context, so I thought I should address it. She says that she has managed to pare down her own personal book collection to 30 books. People took that to mean that you should only have 30 books. On the contrary, she does not tell people how many books they should have. In fact, she just wants us book-lovers to have a bookshelf full of books that we absolutely love and gives us joy. Who wouldn’t want to love every book they have on their shelf!?

So, according to the directions for this step, I took all the books and piled them up in the middle of the room. I did get rid of a large box of books, as did my husband. I also had a number of books that I was “undecided” about. After the first round, there were two boxes filled with books and a few piles that I didn’t know what to do with.

I sorted those books into the following piles: sentimental books (books that belonged to my now deceased grandmother about Norway or teaching Norwegian), spiritual books that I might like to review on my blog before I get rid of them, books that I would like to keep for my son one day, books related to a hobby that I quit that I may start again, but that I am very emotional about (long story), and books that I might like to read again someday, and books I will probably need for work.

Before
After

I took the sentimental books and put them in a place to be sorted with my sentimental items at a later date. I separated the spiritual books I wanted to review for my blog from the ones I actually liked and resolved to get rid of them in a year if I didn’t get to them by then. I kept the books for my son until he’s old enough to decide what to do with them (there were only 4 of them). I also kept the books related to the hobby until I can come to a definitive decision whether or not to give up that hobby permanently. I separated the books that I might like to read again and resolved to throw out any that I did not read within the next year. The books for work went to work where I have bookshelf space for them.

Before
After
Before
After (but the top section has sentimental and craft items that need to be sorted)