I have been a very bad sponsee. I have had so much going on at work, that I haven’t been talking to her. I feel like I haven’t talked to her in a week, maybe more. I have seen her on a website we are both on offering to sponsor other people so I am not seven sure if she still considers herself to be my sponsor. I am still asking my higher power for help remaining abstinent every day, but don’t have the time to meditate and listen to my higher power. Somehow, I have been able to remain abstinent throughout all of this. I catch one phone meeting a week. Does this make me just a low-maintenance sponsee or am I just doing something wrong? I know my trust in others is definitely lacking, so I don’t make phone calls, texts, or message when I am having issues, but I get through them nonetheless. Hell, my sponsor doesn’t even know my real name. This happened with my other sponsor too. Why can’t I rely on them? Why can’t I contact others for support when I am having a shitty time with my overeating? I got my period so I have been wanting to eat chocolate so badly, but I haven’t told anyone but my husband, despite the fact that I have been struggling with it.

Somebody I know has seen my progress and decided to do the same things I did. He also gave up sugar, but hasn’t been seeing the same results. He hasn’t been able to stick with it. I explained that he’s not doing the same things that I am because he’s focusing on weight loss. I am focusing on myself with the steps, even if I am taking a break on step 5. He flat-out refused to attempt to do the program. I don’t know why. Maybe he hasn’t hit the point where he realizes that he has no control over himself.

I also discovered another trigger food for me — fruit leather. There is no added sugars in it. I am usually okay eating fruit and drinking fruit juice, but I bought a box of fruit leather and couldn’t stop eating it. I actually had to ask my husband to hide it until our son had consumed it all.

Oh, and I have only 6 more lbs to lose before I reach my pre-pregnancy weight.

This update really doesn’t read very well and I apologize for that. I have been busy and stressed lately and my thoughts are jumbling together too much to become really well-organized.