Tag Archives: health

Why is it so difficult to be body positive?

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When you are a baby, fat is good. People look at the rolls and comment on how cute the “chunky thighs”. A chubby toddler is cute too because they are still growing out of their baby fat. Once a child gets school age, the negative comments tend to roll in, especially if the chubby child is a female. Working in schools, I have heard adults refer to chubby girls just starting school as a “little meatball” or “little chunker”. That’s where it starts. As young as kindergarten. I remember inviting the “fat girl” to my birthday party as a child. I didn’t actually know her all that well, but knew her as the fat girl. As we got older, she got bigger and bigger. She smelled bad, so nobody wanted to be around her. People made fun of her. I didn’t understand why, but saw that apparently fat was something you made fun of.

As you grow up, especially as a woman, you are constantly told by advertisements and media that you are not good enough. Your face isn’t shaped right, so you should fix it with makeup. You have pimples or blackheads, so you should use special products to make them go away. Buy hair products so your hair can be right. Your body isn’t shaped right, so you must eat a specific diet or work out so you can fit the right mold. Buy body shapers. Buy clothes to flatter your figure. Buy. Buy. Buy.

What nobody every told me was that these images were unattainable. These photographs were altered or they were taken of someone who was a winner of the genetic lottery. No amount of make-up, cleansers, dieting, or exercising is going to get you to look like these people in advertisements. There are several billion-dollar industries telling you how you should look.

Opposing that is the multi-billion dollar industry selling you food that will undo all of that. They do research into how much it takes you to be satiated and make their bags slightly smaller so you have to buy two. They do research into what tastes good and bombard your taste buds with those flavors. They add fillers and preservatives so it will have a longer shelf life. And none of it is good for your body. They won’t tell you that. Those chips are gluten free. Those cookies are low-fat. They will find some way to spin everything. And to top it all off, this food is somehow cheaper than buying fruits and vegetables that have had no modifications done to it! This is how our nation has become plus-sized. They offer cheaper, convenient food that tastes good that you can fit into your busy schedule.

The average woman in the U.S.A. is between a size 16 and 18. Anyone who has shopped in these sizes should know that these sizes vary widely. According to Wikipedia, the average size 18 is bust: 43 “, waist: 34″, and hips: 44.5”. With all my weight-loss, I bought a pair of sized 18 jeans last week, even though my measurements were larger than that. It was the first time in years I was able to buy jeans from the “regular” section. That’s good because the same pair of jeans from the same brand that was a size 20 was $50. The pair I bought were $24.50.

In addition to it still being okay to make fun of fat people, those who are overweight are being screwed over in other ways as well. As I mentioned earlier, clothes cost disproportionately more when you are in plus sizes. There are less brand names that carry your sizes, so you have less to choose from and it’s less likely you will look good in what you buy. Larger butts don’t fit in regular sized seats. When I was pregnant, I had to stop going to certain movie theaters because my hips swelled up too wide and I couldn’t fit in the seats. Airlines charge extra for larger seats for larger passengers. If someone in a wheelchair needed to fly, do you think they would be charged extra!? No. But it’s still okay to discriminate against fat people.

Nobody actually calls it discrimination, but that’s what it is. Before I got pregnant, I was the picture of health — on paper, except for my weight. But I had rolls and stretch marks, so I couldn’t actually be healthy. My doctors couldn’t figure out how I could be large and still healthy. That’s where this discrimination comes from, the idea that it’s okay to discriminate against people, because we did this to ourselves. We made ourselves fat by eating too much or the wrong things or not exercising. When, in reality, these companies are marketing all of these foods that not only make you fat, but are addictive. And they get away with it because everyone can still discriminate against fat people. They claim they are worried for their health. If they were really concerned about our health, there would be body-positive ads on tv. There would be as many commercials about vegetables as for junk food. Food lobbyists wouldn’t be allowed to influence the national food pyramid (or whatever it is they’re calling it this year).

And then social media tells me to love my body. Even though it’s 39 years old, has several surgery scars, a large pooch from where my son lived for 10 months, some whiteheads on my cheeks, some stretchmarks on my belly, too much hair on some areas, mis-matched boobs, hair that won’t do what I want it to, joints that tell me that I am either too heavy or getting old, muscles that won’t do what I want them to anymore, fat rolls, and not enough energy to get me through the day. I am supposed to suddenly love all of that? After being told my whole life that I am not good enough, that I must pay extra because I’m fat, that I will never live up to the ideal beauty, that because of my sex I am often defined and judged by my looks, but I am supposed to forget all of the conditioning and just suddenly love myself!? I have seen through that false advertising long ago, but it’s still a whole lot to swallow. I would love to love my body, but I’m just not sure I can.

Healthy Living – Day 18

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Last night I woke up out of a sound sleep at 2am with my heart POUNDING.  It wasn’t like the pounding of anxiety or even being frightened.  It felt like my heart was trying to fly out of my chest — on the right side.  I had to wake up a little bit before I realized that my heart isn’t even on that side of my body, but nonetheless it scared me. 

I haven’t been following my healthy living plan very well this week.  I accidentally bought peach tea on Monday instead of unsweetened and didn’t realize until I had a sip.  After that, it just went downhill.  Sometimes it was little things like eating rigatoni whose sauce was sure to have added sugar in it.  Other times, I just visited my coworkers that give out candy and grabbed some.  I have been working out less this week too.  I had to stay late for a meeting at work on Tuesday and by the time I got home, it was too dark to walk.  On Thursday, the snow was falling so heavily, I figured it would be dangerous to walk on the road.  On Friday morning, I never got my e-mail with my strength training video on it.  To be honest, I have been pretty self-loathing about my inability to follow my diet and exercise plan this week.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me!  All of the pain caused by my weight, needing to lose weight so I can have another baby, and needing to lower my cholesterol should be enough to motivate me to lose weight, exercise, and eat healthy!

When I awoke in the middle of the night with my heart pounding, I immediately felt like I wasn’t doing enough to fix my cholesterol levels.  My sister did some research on diets to reduce cholesterol and it seems that the only one that actually shows anything definitive was the Mediterranean diet, of which I knew very little.  A few internet searches showed me that I wasn’t going to like it much.  One of them had a sample diet.  There was a salad for dinner almost every night.  I’m not a big fan of salads for a multitude of reasons.

I went online and found a few books on the Mediterranean diet.  I looked at the one that was the best seller.  It was even rated for 4.5 stars.  I read the one-star reviews.  They complained that all of the food took a really long time to cook and required ingredients that were not readily available in most grocery stores.  I live in a rural area, so the odds were, the same thing would happen to me.  I found another book instead that has recipes that can be made in 30 minutes. 

I bought and read the book today.  It also had a brief explanation of the diet at the beginning.  It’s pretty simple.  Half of the plate should be vegetables of some sort, a quarter should be protein, a quarter should be whole grains.  Fruit can be for dessert.  They also said fish and seafood should be consumed at least twice per week, beans/legumes should be consumed daily, poultry is fine, and that red meat should be only once a week.  Most of the dairy allowed are eggs, greek yogurt, and goat cheese. Sugars are kept to a minimum and occur only in fruit and honey.  The only bread seems to be pita bread and “crusty whole wheat” bread.  I’m not sure where to find it, but I suppose I could figure out how to bake it if I have the time.  I also put out a Facebook post, announcing to my family that I would be following this diet and to do what they can to help me stick with it. Right now, we’re working with the food we have until I get paid again.  Nonetheless, I did okay for dinner tonight: parmesan encrusted pork chops, balsamic broccoli and mushrooms, and white rice (we don’t have brown). A new week is starting, so I just need to pick myself back up again and keep on going.

Starting weight: 239.0 lbs
Current weight: 237.6 lbs


I Have Bad Cholesterol

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Just one day after doing divination to try and figure out what is holding me back from losing weight and how I can get motivated and be more consistent, I went to the doctor for a follow-up.  I had a long list of symptoms: diarrhea, foot and ankle pain after I recline my feet, knee and wrist pain that felt like old injuries coming back, waking up at 3am without being able to get back to sleep, waking up in the middle of the night to pee, being tired most of the time, and some depression.

My doctor had a bunch of tests done and most of them had come back.  I did not have Lyme’s Disease or an autoimmune disease.  My thyroid numbers were normal, thanks to medication.  I had the markers of a UTI.  My cholesterol numbers were also off. While the total cholesterol was within normal range, my good cholesterol is 35 when it should be above 60 and my bad cholesterol is 120 and it should be below 70 (the paper said 100 and it was crossed out and 70 was written in).

My doctor recommended I get 30-60 minutes of exercise daily, keep a food journal,  and gave me a paper about a low cholesterol diet.  It involves eating less saturated fats, and more monounsaturated fats (whatever that means).  I flipped through and it looked like your typical food pyramid with 6 grain servings, 3 vegetable servings, 2 fruit servings, 2 protein servings, etc.  Then I saw a typical meal plan and noticed that it included margarine!  There is NO WAY that eating margarine could possibly be good for me.  Then I saw the copyright from the paper.  It was from the ’90s.  This information was 20 years old.  It must be outdated.

I spent the drive home worried that I would have a heart attack or stroke and my little boy would have to grow up without a mother. I thought about how I would just have to find a way to fit exercise into my already busy schedule.  I also racked my brain for a low-cholesterol diet.  In my time researching and trying different diets over the years, they had almost all claimed to lower cholesterol.  That includes the keto diet and paleo diet — both of which are chock full of the fats that I am apparently not supposed to be having.  I also worried that my next appointment was 6 months away.  What if I choose the wrong diet to follow and it makes my cholesterol worse?  I won’t even know about it for 6 months!?

I checked the American Heart Association and Mayo Clinic websites on what to do to lower my cholesterol.  They agreed about several things:

  • Have a heart-healthy diet.  The two differed on what that meant. They only agreed that I should reduce my saturated fats and trans fats. The American Heart Association suggested a plan similar to the one the doctor gave me.  The Mayo Clinic recommended adding Omega-3 fatty foods, foods with soluble fiber, and whey protein.
  • Get more exercise. I have a membership to a website that puts out workout videos three days a week.  They’re a half hour long and I can choose from beginner, intermediate, and advanced.  Of course, I’m on the beginner one.  On the days I don’t do those exercises, I will walk for 10 minutes after work.  I will work my way up to a half hour.
  • Lose weight. This one is going to be tough. I have hypothyroidism.
  • Quit smoking (a non-issue for me).

I knew that the food industry puts out conflicting information so that people will buy their food, but I didn’t expect to encounter it on actual medical informational websites.  If there is one heart-healthy diet, everyone could clearly agree on what it is, couldn’t they?  So now I’m confused about how to eat.  I will start exercising, but I will have to do more research of my own.  And I really don’t have the time or the energy to be dealing with all of this right now.  I have a full-time job, a part-time blog, and I’m a mom, so that means I don’t get a rest when I get home either.

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