I just found out that I will be losing my job at the end of June.  I am really upset.  I’m not upset because I will miss my job.  Frankly, my job was miserable.  I hated it there.  There were some days I when I came home from work crying.  I am upset because I am the sole breadwinner for my family and I’m worried that I won’t be able to provide for my husband and our wonderful son.  I am upset because we completely uprooted and moved 6 hours away with a 1 month old baby just so I could get this job that hasn’t even lasted a full year.  I am upset because I have been told that my performance is not good enough when everyone loved my work at my last few jobs.

In the past when I’d lose my job or something else awful happened, I always trusted to the Gods and things always came out alright in the end.  I believed that everything happens for a reason.  I always bounced back.  Now that I have a family to take care of, I’m finding it much harder to trust my fate to the Gods.  It’s not that my belief in them has gotten any less.  In fact, I talk to them almost daily asking for a good job to come along.  I think it’s because my fear of failure is more.

I suppose there are three different types of thought on the subject of fate.  The first believes whole-heartedly in fate and the Gods that what is happening is happening for a reason.  It’s comforting to be able to be told that everything is meant to be and to just leave everything up to fate.  It also is comforting to think that no matter how crappy your life is, that there is a plan.  I always used to say that everything in life is either a blessing or a lesson.  I loved to be able to look at things that way.  I just wish I could.

Then there are the people that think things are a combination of choice and fate.  These people believe that fate puts things in our grasp, but we need to choose what to do.  I can see why this one has a lot of appeal.  Nobody likes to feel completely helpless in their life.  This option is a great middle ground for people that want to have faith, but also feel like they’re in control of their own destiny to some extent.

The final group of people believes that we create our own destiny.  I guess I could see how this could be appealing.  However, I guess I just don’t believe in myself and my power to create a destiny like the one that I want.  I suppose this one is for those that are super confident in themselves to create the life they want.  That’s just not me.

I’m currently trying to work on believing the first type.  I’m trying to tell myself that I learned a lot at this current job.  That’s true.  I’m trying to tell myself that my husband and I needed to move here because we needed some closure with some of the people here. We both used to live here and were initially excited about coming back.  However, it seemed that they all had moved on without us in our absence and we really didn’t have the friends we thought we did.

I also think I’m disappointed.  I keep telling myself that each job is going to be the last one.  It will be the one I stay at until retirement.  Except for the last one where I worked for the Archdiocese.  I knew I wouldn’t stay there forever!  It was hard enough being a Pagan working for Catholics and keeping my mouth shut for three years.  I couldn’t have kept living that way.  It hurt not to be able to live my truth.  But I digress.

What is your opinion of fate?  Are some things by chance or by choice or are they meant to be?