There was a Beltane festival about an hour and a half away from me. I am not sure exactly what I expected, but I was disappointed in what it was. Don’t get me wrong, plenty of other people could have gone and greatly enjoyed it. Being the introvert that I am, crowds are a bit intimidating, especially when I feel like I have nothing in common with them. There were a ton of young people wearing things like fairy wings, corsets, and elf ears. I have never in my life desired to wear those things. Okay, maybe a corset, but that’s just because I still need to lose a bit of weight. This was not my tribe. I didn’t know anyone. We essentially paid $20 each to have access to a bunch of vendors. Most of the vendors didn’t have anything that I was interested in. I love rocks and crystals, but I had just spent a substantial amount of time paring down my collection, so I didn’t want to buy any. There were a few Reiki practioners, some tarot readers, jewelry, artwork (that was nice, but I just couldn’t afford it), and some food vendors.

My husband enjoyed the food vendors. I saw the class schedule and was disappointed. There weren’t many offerings, I didn’t have any interest in what was offered, and I couldn’t figure out where they were held. Then they had the may pole. The guys all made a huge show of carrying the may pole, while the ladies all made a show of dancing and looking sexy while holding the ribbons and waiting for them. I really felt like I didn’t belong because given the choice, I would have rather carried the pole. I don’t identify as male. While there are certainly some masculine aspects to my personality, I am very clearly female. I have always used the “she/her” pronouns and have never thought of ever being anything else. But I also didn’t feel like acting like the flirty, sexy female while dancing. At that point, I realized that there really is a duality in the Wiccan deities. Things are either male or female. I guess I have realized lately that there is much more variety in genders. They started chanting “Put it in the hole!” I walked away from the may pole.

I had been curious about Norse heathenry for as long as I can remember, but there are some things that I didn’t agree with, so I stuck with my Wicca-like practices. I went to the Heathen tent with the desire to discuss and see what they had to say. They were busy talking to other people and I got this feeling of being unwelcome, so I walked away. Having rolled my eyes at some of the costumes other people wore, I ironically asked a guy wearing a tunic and leather headband to read my runes. Oddly, I found nothing wrong with what he was wearing. It was close to a historical Norse Viking costume, so I oddly had no qualms with that. I do wonder how my brain works sometimes!

I sent my husband and son off because some people who do divination will get clues from the people you are with and I wanted to get as good of a reading as I could. This was very different from the tarot readings I have had in the past. He explained how to focus and pull the runes. I pulled them and he explained what they meant. There were three that represented my past. There was a partnership in my past, inner strength leading to freedom, and travels. It was clear to me that it represented the strength I needed to leave my first husband and a lot of friendships behind thanks to his manipulative nature. I lived and worked all over the state since we broke up, so this was very accurate.

The present included some uncertainty and material wealth. He explained that the material wealth didn’t have to be money, but things that were important to me. I think it means that we are actually going to settle down in a new house, and I have a wonderful husband and son. My dream growing up was to have a family and a home and now I feel like I have it.

The future (he didn’t call it the future, but I will call it that for convenience sake) included a vehicle to carry me where I wanted to go, a reaching of a goal, and enlightenment. We talked a bit of my future goals. I really don’t have many left. I would like to write a book, maybe more than one. I am always afraid to write because I feel like either it wouldn’t work, or there already exist books on the same things. He explained that he wrote a book on runes, even though dozens exist. However, nobody else would have the same take on it he did. Each author brought something different to the genre. I thought about it and realized I could too. I would also like to start a school, but I would need at least a master’s degree in school administration. It would be a huge undertaking. It would require getting a non-profit status, enough curriculum together to get accreditation in my state, it would require a serious amount of fundraising (because I could never afford the start-up capital), overseeing the building of it, hiring teachers and staff, figuring out where to get scholarships from, and advertising enough to draw students and parents who want to send their children to the school. I am not sure I could do it. He gave me hope that I could.

I chatted with him a bit about reading runes and Norse heathrenry for a while. He gave me a card with a link to the facebook group. I felt like the festival wasn’t a complete waste of time. I was still disappointed that my son wasn’t really able to enjoy it. I had pictured him getting to run around and play with other kids, but there really wasn’t the space for him to do that, so he stayed in the stroller. I probably won’t return to this festival next year because I can think of a better use for $40, but I am glad that I did connect with that one guy and the Norse group. Hopefully something will come of it!