Healthy Living: Day 11

I survived the sugar withdrawal, though there were times I wasn’t sure I would.  I had a few days without energy and two where I suffered from actual depression, but I got through it.  I discovered that my brain works better when it’s not on sugar.  On my second day without sugar, I set about trying to learn something for work.  I couldn’t wrap my brain around it, so I gave up for the day.  It wasn’t urgent, so it could wait a little while.  Four days later, I tried again and I was able to do it! 

I also discovered how difficult it is to give up sugar in all forms (including sugar substitutes).  It’s in EVERYTHING!  Here is a partial list of “healthy foods” where I didn’t expect to find added sweeteners:

  •  Bread
  • Peanut butter
  • Cheerios
  • Ketchup
  • Tomato sauce
  • Plain yogurt
  • Canned oranges
  • Baked beans
  • Salad dressing
  • Coffee creamers
  • Granola bars
  • Juice drinks
  • Apple sauce
  • Anything labeled ‘Lite”

As a result, we had to consume a lot of homemade foods.  It sounds simple, giving up sugar, but there were a lot of foods I didn’t expect to have to give up or find alternatives for!

I have followed my exercise plan so far, except for one Thursday where it got dark out before I had a chance to go for a walk.  I thought about going anyway, but we live on rural back roads.  There is no shoulder and sometimes there isn’t much room for two cars to pass each other going opposite ways.  In addition, people love to speed on these types of roads.  My husband convinced me that it isn’t safe, so I didn’t go.  I asked for a reflective vest for Yule, so hopefully I will be able walk at night if it happens in the future.  Because my body is not used to regular exercise (previously I was lucky if I worked out twice a week), by the middle of this week, I was physically exhausted. I fell asleep early when I got home.  I woke up with sore muscles and sore joints. I was looking forward to Sunday so my body would have a break from the exercise!

Yesterday was my first cheat day.  I have decided to have a cheat day every other Saturday.  It worked out well because it coincided with Thanksgiving at my mother’s house.  We are in the United States and decided to celebrate it early since they’re flying out west to spend the real Thanksgiving with my sister.  Anyway, I took full advantage of my cheat day.  I had hot chocolate and applesauce for breakfast.  I had wine with dinner.  I ate two pieces of pie for dessert.  And my stomach hurt SO BADLY!  It wasn’t because it was full either.  My stomach just wasn’t happy with the foods I put in it.  I wish I knew which ones bothered it so much. 

Today is my fast day.  I am trying to fast (not eat) until dinner.  In the research I have done, I noticed that people who mixed up their diet now and then had greater results.  That’s why I incorporated a cheat day and a fast day.  I honestly expected my fast day to be more difficult than it is.  I suppose after the stomach discomfort I had yesterday, it actually feels okay to not eat!

I’m proud of myself and being able to stick with this eating and exercise plan so far.  I know I’m only on day 11, but I’ve managed to stick with this longer than 95% of the plans I’ve done over the past few years!

Starting weight: 239.0lbs
Current weight: 237.6lbs


About Me and My Weight

I was fortunate growing up.  I made it all the way to 8th grade before someone made a negative comment about my body.  I had just hit puberty and gained hips, boobs, and a small belly.  I was told to do more sit-ups before continuing to wear shirts that showed off my midriff.  Since then I have been self-conscious about my stomach.  I don’t remember what I weighted throughout high school.  I wasn’t fat.  I guess I was thin but the kind of thin that also had hips and a chest.

me2006

In college, I gained the “freshman 50” and the scales topped out at around 200lbs.  I worked at an exercise place for 2 months and lost 30 of those pounds. Despite many attempts to lose the remaining 20lbs, I stayed at this weight for several years,  This was my first ever “starting weight” picture at 170lbs from 2006. I had mostly stayed naturally thin before college, so actually working to lose weight was new to me. I tried the shake for breakfast, shake for lunch thing.  That didn’t work.  I tried the blood type diet.  I tried a juice fast.  I really also didn’t stick with any of them long enough to work either.

In 2006, I took up running.  I saw a couch to 5k merunning2007program online, but you had to be able to jog for a whole minute at a time.   I couldn’t do that.  Undeterred, I trained to be able to run for a whole minute at a time.  After that, I trained to run a 5k.  My time for my first 5k was 39:35.  I made a goal to improve my time.  My third 5k was at 35:06.  My goal was to get my time under 35 minutes and I was so close!  I started counting calories.  I would snack all day on low calorie items some days and eat a fast food value meal as my whole calorie quota for other days.  Finally, a little over a year later, I was down to 145lbs!

 

me2007I stayed at this weight for a while.  I kept running.  I trained for and ran a 10k.  I got married and looked damn good in my wedding dress.  But the marriage went downhill fast.  I buried myself in my work so I didn’t have to spend much time at home.  I was stressed.  I stopped running.  I ate a steady diet of fast food.  I put on weight very quickly.   I gained 60 lbs in 8 months before my doctor diagnosed me with hypothyroidism.  I was exhausted all of the time.  My (then) husband admitted he was no longer attracted to me at that weight.   I tried running, but at my new heavier weight, all it did was give me knee problems.

 

me2012Less than two years into my first marriage and over 7 years into the relationship, we separated.  Because he was emotionally abusive, my confidence and sense of self was shattered. I didn’t know who I was anymore.  I saw myself as fat, ugly, boring, and who never stuck with anything. I saw myself as emotionally unstable, socially awkward, who needed someone to guide me.  And I lived up to my vision of myself.  I tried several diet and weight-loss programs.  I wasn’t able to stick with any for very long.  I made several bad choices in life.  My ex started bad-mouthing me to some friends and “worried” aloud about my emotional instability with others.  I had friends start to avoid me or treat me with kid gloves, afraid to ruin my fragile emotional self.  I kept to myself.  I was very lonely.  I fluctuated between 200lbs-220lbs (this photo is from 2012).  I even worked a job that required physical labor.  While I did get stronger, I didn’t end up losing any fat or any weight.  In hindsight, I feel like I kept this weight so my ex would never want me back.  He still had power over me for a long time and I was afraid of going back to him.  I refused to talk to him and avoided him as much as possible.

me2016Hypothyroidism is an interesting malady.  It can cause a number of serious symptoms.  I was lucky that it only caused weight gain, lethargy, loss of energy, coldness of the extremities, and mild hair loss.  It also makes it difficult to lose weight.  I researched the disease — often knowing more about it than the doctors I saw.  I tried a thyroid diet.  It didn’t do anything.  I tried paleo.  I couldn’t stick to it. I couldn’t stick to anything.  I berated myself for not being able to follow through with anything.  I had to switch doctors before I could convince one to switch my medications so I could have enough energy to get through the day.  It was awful!

 

 

 

pregnant meAfter a few years, I actually realized that I was the victim of emotional abuse.  Before my ex, I would have said that “victim” was never a part of my vocabulary.  After we split up, I didn’t exactly play the victim (he certainly played the victim, for all it was worth), but I was in a very bad state.  I worked hard to fix the damage that was done by him.  After a few years, I met a wonderful man and we really connected.  We decided to have kids together.  My experience with my first marriage left me scared of marriage.  And so, unwed at 37, I became pregnant.  The pregnancy went well until the last month.  I gained 50lbs throughout the pregnancy and my hips were unable to bear the extra weight.  I could barely walk for the last month of my pregnancy.

me and babyFinally, my son was born at 10lbs, 22.5″.  You would think that at the very least, I would have left the hospital 10lbs lighter, but I weighed the exact amount that I did when I entered it.  I retained water and my feet, ankles, and calves swelled like they never had during the pregnancy.  The picture at the left is two weeks after my son was born (yes, he was THAT big).  Everyone told me that a few weeks after the birth, the pounds would melt away.  Then they told me that exclusively breastfeeding would cause the weight to go.  They were all lies.

1007181329Again, I tried to lose weight.  Unfortunately, many methods of weight-loss were beyond me post-partum. I was healing from a C-section, so I couldn’t exercise for a long time.  I couldn’t really follow most diets because they would effect my milk supply.  Over the next year, I managed to lose 30 of those 50lbs, though I’m not sure how.  Pregnancy changed my body.  I had stretch marks all over my belly and everything seemed to have gotten bigger and flabbier, even though I am only 20lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight.  I have finally gotten over my fear of marriage and married an amazing man.  Nonetheless, my (now) husband still loves me and is still attracted to me at my current weight. And now that our son is over  year old and no longer exclusively breastfeeding, though he still nurses about twice a day, I am ready to take on losing weight for real!

Healthy Living: Day 1

Since some Pagans treat Samhain like a new year, I decided to do the same this year.  I was going to get healthy again and I was going to start by cutting all added sugars and sugar substitutes out of my diet.  I eventually had hoped to transition into either Paleo or Keto.  I know a lot of people that Keto worked for, but as a Pagan, I appreciate the idea behind Paleo better.  I hadn’t quite decided which to follow.  As it was, avoiding added sugars was going to be tough enough.

I had a breakfast of eggs scrambled in butter and topped with some cheddar cheese.  When I got to work, there was a large bowl full of leftover Halloween candy in the break room.  I was proud of myself that every time I went in there, I did not take one.  I didn’t even take one when I was sitting in there to eat lunch!  Then I had a moment when I was just ravenous and I found an old ring pop in my work bag.  I thought about it and then put it back.  I was really proud of myself for how I was doing.

For lunch I had packed a few slices of grilled chicken breast, some spaghetti squash with homemade tomato sauce and parmesan cheese, and some black olives. I was mostly distracted with work for the second half of the day.

After I went to my doctor’s appointment and found out about my bad cholesterol (you can read about it here). I  got home to discover that my husband had cooked a particularly unhealthy meal tonight.  It was broccoli sauteed in butter, baked french fries, and hot dogs.  I checked the label for hot dogs and saw that it contained sorbitol, a sugar alcohol.  I haven’t yet done the research to decide if I wanted to count that as sugar, so I didn’t.  My husband offered me some bread to use as a bun.  I looked at the package of “100% Whole Wheat Bread” and saw that the third ingredient was sugar.  Also, no ketchup for my fries.  Because sugar (well, high fructose corn syrup).  At the end of the meal, my belly was full and I felt unsatisfied.  But if nothing else, the trip to the doctor’s office had strengthened my resolve to eat healthy.

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