I spent the better part of this week either traveling or at my in-laws house for Thanksgiving.  Other than a big fast-food meal on the 5-hour drive, I ate pretty responsibly at meals.  In between the meals, however, I have done horrible.  From afar, it would look to my in-laws or my husband like I was being responsible with my eating.  However, I had candy stashed away in my purse.  When I went alone to go buy gas and a few groceries, I bought cookies too and ate them before I returned.  What is wrong with me?  Why can’t I just stop eating them?

I did also get together a shopping list and menu together for my Mediterranean diet and now that I got paid, I can actually go food shopping.  The down-side is that my husband is making me be the one to cook the meals, so that means I have even less time when I get home to get stuff done or spend with my son.  He said it was only for two weeks until he gets an idea of how the diet works.  I have two options for breakfasts and lunches for myself and different dinners every day.   Each week I have fish scheduled once (the husband objected to any fish, so this is a first step for him), chicken scheduled twice, red meat scheduled once, and the remaining three meals were some variety of vegetarian.  I told my husband he is welcome to cook meat for himself on those nights since he is the type to “need” meat at every meal.  For me, it doesn’t matter all that much.  I don’t LOVE meat, it’s just that it’s the most convenient way for me to get my protein.  We’ll see how this goes.

I also did a poor job exercising this week, but it was not for lack of desire or motivation.  I woke up on Monday feeling really “off”.  It turned out that I had a UTI.  Once they treated it, my bladder was in pain for a few days.  I made myself walk when I wanted to do no exercise.  Then on Wednesday, I fell down my stairs and dislocated my tailbone.  It kept popping painfully in and out of place for the rest of the week.  It’s still sore today, but it’s slowly becoming more manageable.  I hope I can get back on track again next week.  Hell, I just want the pain to be gone so I can exercise and at least feel like I’m doing something right with my lifestyle choices.

Also, something odd happened after eating that big fast food meal and after my “cheat day” on Saturday.  I felt “off” again maybe an hour after eating.  I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong.  Maybe it was in my head.  Or maybe it was me feeling the effects of that unhealthy food on my body.  Either way, I need to remember that foods can have real consequences, including the painful abdominal cramps I got while my body was processing the fast food.  There are so many reasons why I shouldn’t be eating these foods and yet I consume them anyway.   I’m starting to wonder if I have a problem with food.  If so, what can I even do about it?  I’m familiar with how OA (Over-eaters Anonymous) and how they handle things.  I’m not terribly interested in following their program.  I wish there were other options.  I haven’t even filled out my food journals.  I need to find a way of being more accountable for what I put into my body.  I don’t need to declare myself powerless over food and as the Goddess to do it for me.  Although asking for help might not be a bad idea….  hmmm…..

Anyway, I’m just feeling frustrated and lost in all of this.  Sigh.