Tag Archives: food plan

OA Recovery: Day 69 of Abstinence

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I have been very busy with work lately. Unfortunately, it means that I have had to abandon my work on step 5 for the time being. Some people have told me that I am just making excuses, but I would like to spend the short time I am at home with my son. He is more important than my recovery. Also, my struggles with being so busy only will last until the end of the month. Since there is an end in sight, I plan to put off my remaining step 5 work until then. I am very stressed and don’t need the additional emotional stress from working step 5 right now.

I have discovered that there is a big difference between an eating plan and abstinence. Abstinence is just not eating my trigger foods. Following an eating plan is a whole other animal. I thought once I knew what I should eat, that I would eat it. After all, I have over 60 days of abstinence. It can’t be harder than cutting out sugary foods. Haha! It sure was! I have yet to have one day this week when I have completely followed my eating plan.

My daily eating plan is as follows:
– 1.5-3 cups of fruit
– 2-3 cups of vegetables
– 6-7 oz grains (half should be whole grains)
– 6 oz protein
– 2 cups dairy

I decided to break it down as follows:
Breakfast – 1 c. Cheerios with 1 c. low-fat milk and 1 c. yogurt
Lunch – a big salad with chickpeas and lots of veggies
Dinner – 4 oz grains (weighed out 4oz), 4 oz protein (weighed out 4oz), 1 c. vegetables
Snacks – 1 apple, 1 banana

This food plan seemed like to much and not enough at the same time. I never wanted to eat my lunch, so I didn’t. I love vegetables, but not salads. It also felt like dinner was too much food. I left the dinner table every night with a stomachache having eaten so much. Today I took a second look at the eating plan and realized I had been doing a few things wrong. One ounce of grains doesn’t necessarily mean literally an ounce. It often means a slice of bread or 1/2 cup cooked rice, pasta, or cereal. It was the same for protein. One ounce of protein meant 1 oz of lean meat, 1 egg, 1 tbsp peanut butter, 1/4 c. cooked beans, or 1/2 oz of nuts. Ack! That means I STILL haven’t been eating enough! So I need to figure out how I’m going to do all of that. I was also surprised that I had lost 3 lbs when I weighed myself for my weekly weighing. Maybe I wasn’t eating enough food before!

I spoke with a well-meaning woman who was telling me that eating plans like this aren’t sustainable because you will eventually miss eating certain foods and will end up eating what tastes good. She had a bit of a point about the low-fat dairy and the salad. However, I did okay with the rest of my eating plan. When I asked her what she eats, she just eats what tastes good and in reasonable amounts. While that’s great for her, I don’t feel like it would work for me right now at this point in my recovery. She also explained that OA is more about abstaining from trigger foods rather than following specific eating plans. I feel like I’m more confused than every about what I’m “supposed” to eat.

I also realized that one tool I really don’t utilize much is the phone calls/messaging/texting. I am used to being so independent and not trusting anyone. That’s something that has become worse for me in recent years. I am afraid to make new friends at this point. I am afraid of losing them like all of the ones that believed my ex-husband’s lies. I am also afraid of them finding out that I’m Pagan and me losing my job because of it. There is so much to fear.

OA Recovery: Day 63 of Abstinence

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I started working with my sponsor about letting go of all of my resentments. I know it is part of the process, but frankly, I was getting annoyed with all of it. Most of the things I told her about, she asked why I was holding onto them for so long. I know that was a question designed to help me let go of it, but I started getting annoyed after a while. I got sick halfway through the process and have really been putting off finishing it since then. She also got really judgy about one of my resentments which didn’t help matters.

I also visited a dietitian today. I had been looking forward to this visit for SO LONG! I was hoping that I would go in there, she would see my issues, and create a plan for me. Instead, she plugged my statistics into the computer and came up with a caloric intake number I should be following. Despite common misconceptions, weight loss is NOT a simple case of calories in vs. calories out. She also gave me a copy of the U.S. version of the food pyramid (it’s not a pyramid anymore, but it’s the same basic idea). I could have done that shit myself rather than take a half a sick day to talk to someone who is clearly not abreast with the latest research. I asked her what she thought of the latest research that came out that said that eating some fats is actually good for you. She said that she disagreed with that. When we were discussing dairy (I really don’t eat dairy except for cheese), I made a snarky comment about it just being on the recommendations because of the dairy food lobbying and she looked almost like she agreed with me. But this is her area of expertise. Shouldn’t she know best? I was conflicted. In the end, I was okay with most of her advice, so I decided to follow her plan. I am still disappointed.

I need to eat the following items daily:
1.5-3 cups of fruit
2.5-3 cups of vegetables
6 oz of grains
6 oz of protein
2 cups of dairy

I also need to follow the following stipulations:
– sodium should be under 2,300mg daily
– saturated fat should be less than 20g daily
– added sugars should be less than 45g daily
– avoid trans fats (any kind of hydrogenated or partially-hydrogenated oils)
– eat processed meats (salami, hot dogs, pepperoni, etc.) once a month
– eat or drink low-fat dairy options when possible

I Think I’m A Compulsive Overeater

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I have been thinking a lot lately about my eating behaviors and how I have struggled time and again to follow an eating plan — any eating plan. It wasn’t that big a deal before. I blamed hypothyroidism and having a baby. To be fair, both contributed greatly to my current weight. Even so, I thought about how finding sweets, especially chocolate, to snack on almost seemed like a need. With my cholesterol how it is, following a diet may literally be the difference between life and death and I couldn’t even stick with it for two weeks. That’s when I realized that I had a problem.

My specific abnormal food behaviors are as follows:
– I eat when I’m not hungry
– There are times when I eat so much that I feel sick
– I have feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment over the way I eat and the way I look
– I eat sensibly in front of others and make up for it when I’m alone
– My eating is affecting my health
– My eating behaviors are making me unhappy
– I have tried fasting or severely restricting my food to try and lose weight
– I have eaten food that was very stale
– There are certain foods that I can’t stop eating after I have the first bite
– I have lost weight by following a diet, only to gain it all back by binge eating
– I spend too much time thinking about food and planning my next diet

After some internet searches, I found the Overeaters Anonymous website. I took their quiz and found that I had about half of the abnormal food behaviors on the list. I looked for some meetings in my area. The closest ones were 40 minutes away and happened at 10am on two weekdays a week. Wtf, do they expect only housewives to have this problem!? I found an online meeting group and an online support group. I posted there, explained that I was new, told them about my problem, and asked for advice. The advice was to get some of the literature, attend a meeting, and find a temporary sponsor.

The book and workbook came in and I found a Pagan sponsor! I was excited about this because it’s tough to trust in a higher power when I believe in so many. I was hoping since she understood the nature of Paganism, she would be able to help me with this when the time was right. I read the first two chapters of the book and really related with a lot of it. My sponsor asked me a lot of questions. I was surprised at the answers to some of them. One of them was that I was scared to start. After a lot of thinking and soul-searching on the topic, I discovered that I was afraid to give up sugar. i was afraid of never tasting it again. And that never tasting some of the foods that I really loved saddened me. I realized then that must be how an alcoholic feels about taking a drink. I understood in that moment that I truly am an addict — to sugar.

Over the holidays, we visited a number of people and I watched myself closely. My son is starting to notice these patterns and behaviors in me. My mom had a bowl of mini-m&ms set out. I kept going back for handful after handful. Every time I did, my son would hear my hand in the bowl and ran over asking for “more”. He’s learning my eating behaviors from me by watching me. I tried to control myself for his sake and failed. I kept going back for more and more m&ms. She must have kept refilling them because the bowl was never empty. I had a similar issue at my mother-in-law’s house with my favorite cookies.

Because of this, my sponsor and I decided that I should start by abstaining from sugary foods. Out of the four days I tried, I succeeded one. I suppose that was a huge success, but I felt like a failure. I am feeling a little lost in the process at the moment.