Tag Archives: pagan

Recovery – 21 Days of Abstinence

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I have now been abstinent from sugary foods for 21 days now. It has been one hell of a journey so far. For the first two weeks, I was detoxing from all of the sugar. I wanted it. I craved it. Because I couldn’t have it, I overindulged on other foods. I was concerned for a time that it might be another food issue I have, but then after about day 15, I stopped wanting extra foods at meals.

That was around the first time that I managed to make it to an OA (overeaters anonymous) meeting. I had tried a few times, but due to the holidays and meetings that were no longer active, I finally found this meeting (and made sure to call first). It started with the serenity prayer and a bunch of other stuff that was read. It seemed like a ritual, so I guessed it was said every time. The best part was when people shared. One of them mentioned that after the physical detox was over, I would have emotional issues to contend with. She said that all of the feelings and issues that you ate to cover up would now show up and need to be dealt with. I had no idea how right she would be.

For the past week, I was angry, sad, depressed, but most of all I was distracted. My work started to suffer because I was having problems planning my lessons and getting things done that needed doing. It was a struggle, but I think the idea of having made it so far that I didn’t want to start over again helped.

I also had problems with my first sponsor. She wanted me to tell her what I was going to eat each day before I ate it. I really struggled with this for a few reasons. First, there are so many different resources out there with conflicting statements about “good” and “bad” foods, so I found myself in a state of chronic indecision about what to eat. Second, not knowing what to eat, we didn’t end up picking up any foods for me for lunch and so I didn’t have anything to eat, so I never knew what I was going to have. I found out later that this is a common tool for people to tend to overeat in general, but since my issue is with a specific food, it really didn’t apply to my situation. She also wanted me to fill out this checklist every day. I found out later that it was part of the 10th step and I was on step 1. I thought. I wasn’t sure because she sent me these lengthy emails with a ton of reading to do and questions to answer. She contacted me and said I needed to start doing those things on a daily basis (which I really struggled with doing) or she would drop me as a sponsee. She was doubtless doing what she thought was best for me. Some people need the “tough love” approach, but I was doing fine, so I found another temporary sponsor online.

Tidying Up: Step 2: Books

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I LOVE books! I thought this step was going to be very difficult. Our bookshelves were overflowing with books. There also was no room on them for my husband’s small collection of books. I know Marie Kondo disapproves of keeping the same classification of items in different places, but I keep my spiritual (a.k.a. Pagan) books upstairs near my altar. I do this for many reasons. First, when I am at my altar is when I will likely be reading or using these books. Second, I don’t like to display my Pagan books when it’s possible that people will stop by who won’t know I’m Pagan and I don’t want them to know that I’m Pagan. I also keep our cookbooks in the kitchen, for obvious reasons.

Also I have seen a lot of memes on various social media sites poo-pooing Marie Kondo because they took a quote from her out of context, so I thought I should address it. She says that she has managed to pare down her own personal book collection to 30 books. People took that to mean that you should only have 30 books. On the contrary, she does not tell people how many books they should have. In fact, she just wants us book-lovers to have a bookshelf full of books that we absolutely love and gives us joy. Who wouldn’t want to love every book they have on their shelf!?

So, according to the directions for this step, I took all the books and piled them up in the middle of the room. I did get rid of a large box of books, as did my husband. I also had a number of books that I was “undecided” about. After the first round, there were two boxes filled with books and a few piles that I didn’t know what to do with.

I sorted those books into the following piles: sentimental books (books that belonged to my now deceased grandmother about Norway or teaching Norwegian), spiritual books that I might like to review on my blog before I get rid of them, books that I would like to keep for my son one day, books related to a hobby that I quit that I may start again, but that I am very emotional about (long story), and books that I might like to read again someday, and books I will probably need for work.

Before
After

I took the sentimental books and put them in a place to be sorted with my sentimental items at a later date. I separated the spiritual books I wanted to review for my blog from the ones I actually liked and resolved to get rid of them in a year if I didn’t get to them by then. I kept the books for my son until he’s old enough to decide what to do with them (there were only 4 of them). I also kept the books related to the hobby until I can come to a definitive decision whether or not to give up that hobby permanently. I separated the books that I might like to read again and resolved to throw out any that I did not read within the next year. The books for work went to work where I have bookshelf space for them.

Before
After
Before
After (but the top section has sentimental and craft items that need to be sorted)

Freedom of Religion?

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I’m going to start this post by stating that I live in the U.S.A..  This is relevant because here we supposedly have freedom of religion.  Basically, The First Amendment to the “United States Constitution prevents the government from making laws which respect an establishment of religion, prohibit the free exercise of religion….”  There is also a clause preventing workplaces from discriminating on a number of factors, one being religion.  The exception is if the employer is a religious institution. 

Just because the laws say there shouldn’t be any discrimination against religions, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.  It just means that employers can’t mention your religion when they fire you for it.  I’m pretty sure I have been fired for my religion at least twice in my life.  It could have been more than that, but when I get fired because I’m “not a good fit” with a school district, yet they kept a teacher who literally held a student forcibly against a wall and lied about his knowledge of the subject matter he was supposed to be teaching, it’s pretty clear there was something off about their explanation of my firing. 

Why is this coming up now?  I was chatting with my husband the other day.  He couldn’t understand why I enjoyed watching The Good Witch.  I explained that not only is it the most accurate portrayal of Paganism that I’ve seen on TV, but also that I have a dream of one day of moving somewhere and finally being accepted for who I really am, Paganism and all.  My husband flat out told me that it would never happen.  I held back my tears and told him I needed time to myself.  He assumed it was for another reason and I let him.  When I got there, I cried.  I cried for all of the times that I have had to move.  I cried because he had almost dashed my hopes that it was possible to be accepted in a small town for being Pagan. 

While I have gotten good at hiding it from my employers over the past 5 years or so, my son will be starting pre-K in the district I work in before I get tenure.  I had a choice.  I could hide my religion from my son or I can live my truth at home and hope that when the time comes, I will have been there long enough that they will overlook it.  I refuse to hide who I am from my son, so that’s the option I’m going for right now. 

Having to hide who I am in order to get (and keep) a teaching job really hurts.  It’s not like I would ever teach my students about my religion.  I just want to be able to wear a pentacle to work without worrying about being fired.  I want to be able to take my holidays off of work without fearing that I will lose my family’s sole source of income. 

It really pisses me off when I see some of my Christian friends complain that there is a “war on Christmas” because people say “Happy Holidays”.  Really!?  Christmas is a national fucking holiday!  Or when they complain that they’re being discriminated against because they can’t pray in schools.  Uh, actually, the students can.  They just can’t have it be led or required in any way by the school or any adult.  Not to mention if I had a dollar for the number of times someone on the Pagan Parenting group that I’m part of complained about the promotion of religion by someone at their school, I would be rich. 

I’m just sick of feeling like this.  I’m sick of hiding who I am.  I’m sick of worrying about losing my job if I do anything to even hint at being Pagan.  The gays had their chance at rights.  They’re working on transgender rights now.  I just wish there was something that I could do.  But there’s already a law that’s supposedly protecting me.  It just doesn’t.  Please comment and tell me that there’s hope.  I want to know that there are some open Pagans out there — preferably in small towns and teaching positions, that are actually accepted for who they are. 

Santa Claus Alternatives for Pagan Kids

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I have mentioned before that I am working on starting family traditions while my son is still young.  He’s 16 months old, so I figured now is the perfect time to figure all of this out.  My husband and I both want to celebrate Yule, but our families both celebrate Christmas.  In no other religion that I know of do you have to create new traditions when you join.  One of the things I love about being an Eclectic Pagan is is that I take whatever works from whatever religion I like.  I like it because there are so many good things in so many religions worth “stealing”.  However, when it comes to figuring out how to celebrate holidays, it makes things tough.

My husband and I had the “Santa Claus” talk.  I was in favor of telling not telling our son about Santa, he wasn’t.  His argument had nothing to do with “the truth” or getting to participate in the “magic” of it and everything to do with how our son wouldn’t know about Santa when he entered school.  Because of this, I started researching some options for our family. Here are some options of Santa Claus alternatives for Pagan kids.

 A depiction of the Holly King

The Holly King – In Celtic traditions, there is a story of the Oak King and the Holly King. The Holly King rules the cold part of the year with the height of his power being at Yule. At the equinoxes, the power switches hands. The Holly King also looks quite a bit like Santa Claus.

Mother Berchta –  She rides her goat with a sack on her back full of foods.  She goes to houses, roasts the goat and gives the food.  The bones go back in the bag and out jumps the goat good as new!  One time a child purposely broke one of the goat’s bones and she put the child in the bag and took then away.  So now she brings gifts to good kids and takes the bad ones.  

Odin – Odin had a lot of characteristics of what we think of as Santa Claus now. His name in Old Norse even has the first syllable of “Jul” ( pronounced Yule in English).

Odin on Sleipnir

The Yule Lads –  It’s a Scandinavian tradition (in Scandinavia, they still call Christmas, Jul) where the kids leave their shoe on the windowsill for the last 13 nights before Yule.  If they were good, they get a treat. If not, they get a rotten potato. 

A depiction of some of the Yule Lads on a Scandinavian milk carton

This is also a great article about some lesser-known festive traditions!

What does your family do? Tell us in the comments below!


What is Paganism?

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The root of the word “pagan” originally meant to live in the countryside.  Many years ago, when Catholicism was spreading throughout the cities of Europe, those that lived in the countryside still worshiped the “old Gods” because Christianity hadn’t yet spread to the more rural areas yet. 

Today, Paganism is basically the revival of the worship of the old Gods and the traditions that came with them.  However, Paganism is often a modern take on old religions.  While it may have some similarities to some of those old religions, they rarely look to recreate exactly how worship was done originally.  Different traditions may have specific ways of doing things (such as Gardnerian Wicca), but most of their traditions aren’t much more than a century old. 

Because there are so many sects and traditions of Paganism, the only things they really have in common is that they are polytheistic and worship nature.  There are also eclectic Pagans that take what they want from whatever religions they want and call it their own.  I consider myself an eclectic Pagan, but I mostly practice Wicca these days.

The pentacle is often used as a symbol of Pagans.  Contrary to popular opinion and various horror movies, this symbol is not Satanic in nature, not even when it’s upside-down.  In fact, the majority of Pagans don’t believe in Satan, similar to the way that the majority of Christians don’t believe in Thor (as a God, not as a Marvel character).  The points of the pentacle symbolize the five elements: earth, air, fire, water, and spirit.  The circle represents many different things to different traditions. Two examples are the Wheel of the Year (the fact that the seasons are cyclical) and the Circle that is often created in which  rituals are to be performed.

Many people wonder what sort of moral code of ethics Pagans follow.  I’ve heard someone ask, “Without a Bible or Commandments to follow, how do you know how to be a good person?”  The answer is we don’t need those things for us to be good people.  We don’t need the guilt of sin or the fear of the afterlife to make us into good people.  Most of us (as people, not as Pagans) already know what is right and wrong without a written doctrine.  However, there is a general precept that whatever you do comes back to you times three.  I have an amendment to that notion.  Whatever you do comes back to you as many times as you need to learn your lesson.  Wicca also has the Wiccan Rede which reads, “Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill: ‘And harm ye none, do what ye will.'”

Some Pagans believe in reincarnation and others don’t.  There are many Pagan explanations of where we go when we die.  Some believe that we go to the astral plane where our afterlife is what we make of it.  Others believe we get sent back again to live other lives.  The Rainbow Bridge that seems to be a common idea recently for explaining where pets go when they die actually has Pagan roots. 

Ritual Tools

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One thing that I find is that the more experienced I get, the less ritual tools I need.  I will list some of the more commonly used ritual tools in Wicca and their uses.  Also, all tools should be consecrated (cleansed).  Usually this is done by the four elements (passing it through incense, passing it through flame, sprinkling water on it, and sprinkling salt or earth on it). 

This is actually the one I have on my altar

Athame – Pronounced “ah – thah – meh” , this a ritual knife.  Different traditions have different ideas about what this should look like.  Some state what color the handle must be, what it is made of, or whether or not the blade should be double-edged.  It is associated with the element of fire but some traditions believe it is associated with the element of air. It is often used for channeling and directing energy, cutting things for ritual purposes, and sometimes for casting a circle or calling the elements. 

Wand – This is probably the most famous ritual tool and appears in many movies about witches and wizards.  However, magic doesn’t happen like that in real life.  The wand has little to no power of its own.  Like the athame, it is a channel for energy and is also used to direct it.  Unlike the athame, it’s usually made out of wood and is associated with the element of air but some traditions associate it with the element of fire.  There are many traditions that state how long a wand should be or what should or shouldn’t be added to the wood.  It is usually used for casting a circle.

Chalice- This usually represents the element of water.  It can be used to share ritual drinks.  It can also hold liquids that are used as an offering on an altar.  It can represent a womb or a vagina in various workings as well.

Pentacle – This usually represents the element of earth.  It can be made of ceramic, wood, or metal depending on your preferences or that of your tradition.  A pentacle has the symbol of a five pointed star surrounded by a circle.  Contrary to popular belief, it does not have to be ‘point up’ or ‘point down’.  I haven’t seen it used often in rituals and believe that its primary purpose is to help provide grounding and to be a symbol of spirituality.  Sometimes it is kept in the middle of the altar as well.

Incense – Incense varies based on the herbs and the scents.  While it is considered an air element, the uses vary based on what type of incense you are using.  For example, sage is usually used for cleansing and purification. 

Candle – Candles usually represent the element of fire, but their uses can vary depending on their color.  For example, they can be used to represent the four elements if you choose candles with colors representing each element.  They can also represent a God or Goddess.  They can be inscribed with symbols, herbs, or oils for a purpose and burned to achieve that purpose.

Cauldron – These are also often associated with witches.  Cauldrons can be used similar to a chalice to represent a womb. They are associated with the element of water. They can also be used to combine herbs or “potions”.  Mostly, I have seen them used to burn pieces of paper with words written on them.

Salt – Salt is sometimes left as an offering in a dish or used as a cleansing/purifying agent.

Crystals and gemstones- Crystals are often chosen for a purpose (for example amethyst is used to promote the psychic abilities).  Gemstones all have different uses and affiliations, similar to incense.  Clear quartz can be imbibed with power and used for a specific purpose.  They can also be used to represent the different elements or a specific deity.


I’m A Bad Pagan

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I just read through a very touching blog post at My Wiccan Story.  It was a sweet story of how she prayed to the Goddess in a time of need and how the Goddess helped.  I kind of touched on it in my last post, but I have been spending so much time trying to not appear Pagan, that I have lost a lot of my Pagan-ness. 

I’m a teacher.  While I believe firmly in the separation between church and state, I also believe in freedom of religion.  I have never once preached about Paganism to my students.  I have never even taught them about it.  At my first teaching job, however, I did wear a ring with a pentacle on it.  One of my students made a big deal out of me being “a witch”.  His mother started a “witch hunt” and complained about me constantly.  She even snuck into the school to observe my class to find things to further complain about.  I was asked not to return because I was “a bad fit with the district.”. 

At my next job, I left my overtly religious jewelry at home.  I had a necklace that looked like mother earth and I often wore that or necklaces made of gemstones.  I was asked to return for a second year.  The school had open tennis on their tennis courts certain days after school.  Since I was trying to get into better shape, I would often go out there to play.  I made the mistake of wearing my Pagan Pride Day t-shirt one day.  It was seen by a board member.  I wasn’t even given a reason for being fired.  My principal and superintendent tried to back me up, but the board of education voted me out. 

After that, I was pretty butthurt.  I refused to mention my religion at work.  I was careful where I work my Pagan t-shirts, in case someone saw me.  I made sure not to become close to anyone at work in case they found out and made it public.  Nonetheless, I went through three more schools in three years.  After a time when I couldn’t get a job, I found a job in the most unlikely place — Catholic school.  I applied for a job, not realizing that the name of the school referred to something that was Catholic.  An even bigger surprise, was that I got the job!  I doubled down in my efforts to hide my religion.  My boss knew I wasn’t Catholic, but she definitely didn’t know that I was Pagan.  I had to attend Mass and teach my students Catholic hymns.  Hey, it was a job and I did it well for three years.  They were three miserable years where I worried constantly about being fired if they ever found out I was Pagan.

I found another public school job and was happy to get out.  Unfortunately, that one didn’t work out either and I got my job where I am now.  I work in a small town.  I am again afraid that people will find out and I will lose my job.  Tenure has been raised to four years, so my son is going to be entering Pre-K before I get tenure.  I can teach him absolutely nothing about our beliefs to save my job, but that makes me sad inside.  I want to be able to share my religion with my son. 

I realized that while my religion absolutely needs to stay out of my work, it can absolutely become part of my home life.  The problem is that I spent so long trying to appear normal, to fit in, that I really stuffed all of my Pagan-ness deep down.  I want to start doing some things daily to reaffirm my Pagan-ness and create a culture of Paganism at home, but I don’t know what to do or where to start.  When I’m grateful for something good, I want to remember to thank the Gods.  When things are not going well, I want to think to ask the Gods for help.  My son is 15 months old and my husband is vaguely Pagan-ish who will go along with things so long as they’re not too “out there”. I actually set up my altar again and even decorated it for Samhain.  I don’t know what steps to take next.  How do I start creating a Pagan culture at home? 

Practicing Paganism Daily

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One of the reasons I started this blog was because I was feeling really stagnant in my spirituality.   I used to just celebrate the Sabbats with my Circle.  Then I moved away for a year and didn’t really celebrate them much at all.  I am really trying to find a way to live as a Pagan rather than just be like one of those Christians who goes to church on just Easter and Christmas. I am back, but moved a bit far to make it to every Circle, though I am close enough to attend some of them now.

Anyway, what I really want to do is make Paganism a daily habit and a family identity, now that my son is 15 months old.  Now is the time to start new habits and traditions because my son will grow up thinking that this is the way things have always been because he won’t remember a time when they weren’t!  My religion was always very internalized.  It doesn’t help that I have to hide it at work, so my practice has almost always been in my mind and my heart.  It’s difficult to do this with any religion that one converts to because one must start from scratch and learn to start incorporating new traditions.  At least with the book religions, there is a set way of doing things.  One thing I like about eclectic Paganism is that you can pick and choose what you like.  The down-side is I have to pick and choose how to practice.  There are a number of things that I need to do:

  • a grace or blessing for food (I wanted something relatively short and simple that rhymes, but haven’t found one that really resonates with me yet)
  • create holiday traditions
  • find some sort of meaningful daily practice that ties into my religion
  • find or make some Pagan decor
  • decorate for each holiday
  • make decorations for each holiday
  • find a way of explaining each holiday to my family and friends and find a way for them to celebrate it with us if they choose (and if appropriate)
  • change language from Christian to Pagan (like instead of “oh my God” replace it with “oh my Goddess”, ‘Jesus Christ” can become “Odin’s balls”, etc.)
  • find some Pagan-friendly children’s books to read to my son

I really like writing this blog because it gives me the opportunity to reexamine my beliefs. I have been focusing on book reviews and Sabbats lately. I love going through my books and rating them based on their usefulness to me! I also love doing each of the Sabbat posts!  It’s really starting to give me some more ideas for how to celebrate each Sabbat.  I have some ideas for the future too!  Once I’m done with the Sabbats, I will move onto the Esbats.  Then I will continue onto different deities, ritual tools, spells, and rituals.  Oddly enough, out of all of those, I am least familiar with the deities.  It’s probably because I see all of the deities around the world as just aspects of one Goddess and one God who, in turn, are just the male and female aspects of one energy/deity/being. As such, I really haven’t researched many of their identities or lore.  Ugh, so much to do, so little time! 

Anyway, I would love to hear any suggestions you have for ways to incorporate Paganism into daily practice, please leave a comment!  Also, if there’s some content you would like to see on here, please comment and let me know!

Book Review: Sabbats

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Title: Sabbats

Author: Edain McCoy

Pages: 355

Genre: Non-fiction, informational, religious (Wiccan)

After the table of contents, this book starts off with its first chapter “The Pageantry and Meaning of the sabbats”.  It is sort of an introduction and sort of a catch-all for various things the author wanted to include that may or may not relate to the subject area. It goes through the Wheel of the Year and explains which holidays are practiced in which Pagan cultures around the world. It takes a brief detour from sabbats to go into ritual tools, the elements, how to make a robe, the role of ritual and about this book.

After the introductory chapter, there is one for each sabbat, which is about 20-30 pages long each.  Each chapter contains 4-8 pages on the historical context of each sabbat, a few recipes, a few crafts with complete how-to guides, an idea for a ritual, and ideas for activities.  Sometimes there is one or two music suggestions for each sabbat as well.

On page 201, part 2 of the book begins.  It is entitled “Rituals”. It contains 60 pages of sabbat rituals for groups and solitaries.  Finally, we have the appendices. Appendix 1 has an outline for ritual construction.  Appendix 2 has the elements of spell construction.  Appendix 3 has a glossary.  Appendix 4 is a resources and merchants guide.  Appendix 5 contains the instructions for making felt sabbat calendars. Appendix 6 has various correspondences such as other names, symbols, colors, animals, deities, activities, stones, foods, taboos, plants, meaning, attunement teas, ritual oils, and mythical creatures associated with each sabbat.  Appendix 7 has Pagan symbols with their meanings.  Appendix 8 has cross stitch patterns.

At the end is the bibliography and selected readings followed by the index.

Verdict: 10/10

This book actually contains more than you really need in a book about the sabbats, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  It gave a ton of information about each of the sabbats, a bunch of recipes, ways to celebrate culturally, crafts to make, sample rituals for both solitaries or groups.  I was annoyed initially at not getting a generic list of activities and or Gods/Goddesses associated with each sabbat, but the appendices had these in them too!

I actually found this book early on in my spiritual journey.  I was really excited because it contained pronunciations of the different sabbats.  I wanted to talk to my family about the holidays I was practicing, but didn’t know how to say them!

Samhain is Upon Us

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Being a working mother, it seems like I really don’t have much time to do the things I would like to do.  I spent most of today working on updating this blog to not contain my ramblings, but actual information as well.  It still doesn’t contain everything I would like it to, not by a long shot.

When I was done working on my blog, I decided to arrange the photos of those who have passed on.  My altar was already pretty bare. We had just moved in two months ago and I had yet to unpack all of my Pagan altar-type stuff.  It took a few hours finding the photos of the people and pets I was looking for and cropping some of them to fit in the frames.  I wanted it to be ready for Samhain night so I don’t have any setup to do.  It’s bad enough we had an early freeze, so the pumpkins on our porch are unusable for carving now.

I also tried making the Skull Bread from the Simple Sabbat book I just reviewed.  Both the looks and taste was pretty underwhelming.  I followed the written directions exactly,   but I somehow produced something more like masks than skulls. I had planned to eat it on Samhain, but I took a tiny taste out of curiosity and it mostly tasted of yeast and spices. I couldn’t really taste the pumpkin.

I still don’t know exactly what I’m going to do on the day of Samhain, but I feel like I’m at least getting into the spirit of the season more!