I usually celebrate the Sabbats with my Circle.  Unfortunately, I have moved far away from them.  As a result, any time they gather for a night ritual, I can’t attend.  I’d fall asleep on the way home.  I thought they were celebrating Samhain on a Friday night, so I didn’t attend it.  I later found out it was on a Saturday, so I was a little annoyed.  I had to figure out how to celebrate this Sabbat on my own.

Now, Samhain is my least favorite Sabbat.  Usually our Circle’s ritual will involve honoring the deceased and I spend the whole night crying because I miss them.  Never mind the fact that the last family member I lost was close to 10 years ago, I still bawl my eyes out every Samhain because I still miss them. 

While I did decorate my altar with the photos of deceased friends and family this year, I decided to treat Samhain like a new year and did some divination based on my resolution to lose weight.  I asked how I could overcome the my issues with consistency and asked what was holding me back.  My favorite go-to divination tool is a pendulum, but this required more than a yes or no answer.  I dug through my pile of divination tools that are rarely used and was drawn to two that I almost never use — crone stones and tarot cards. 

First, I decided to draw three crone stones.  Usually when divination tools are drawn in groups of 3, the first one represents past, the second one represents present, and the third one represents the future. I drew them in the above order.  According to the booklet that came with them, the first one is The Dancer. The Dancer’s message is that physical energy can be used to tap divine energy.  Get outdoors.  Take a yoga class.  Yes, the booklet actually said that!  I used to enjoy running, but my body can’t handle it anymore.  I have been meaning to start walking, but have had difficulties finding the time. 

The second stone was She Who Knows.  The booklet discussed the inner knowing that we all possess.  I turned my attention inward and realized that it is my emotions holding me back.  My first husband was emotionally abusive and some of it still affects me today.  Admittedly, the more time goes by, the less it affects me.    I am healing, it’s just taking longer than I would like.  I look forward to the day when I am completely healed! I feel like my weight-loss journey is one of the last vestiges of the emotional damage.  He once told me he wasn’t attracted to me after I gained weight.  I think subconsciously I stay this size so he won’t still be attracted to me. It’s not even like I see him that often.  Nonetheless, it’s time to move on.

The third stone was Let Go.  The booklet said it signifies the release of emotional baggage.  That’s what I need to do to succeed at losing weight and getting healthier?  So I just need to figure out how to get rid of my emotional baggage.  It’s easier said than done.  I’ve been working on it for years.

I am not really adept at using tarot cards.  It took me forever just to find a set I liked.  I needed to use the paper that came with it just to remind myself how to do the traditional spread.   For those of you who are interested in such things this is the Tarot of the Moon Garden. 

1. PRESENT POSITION – Judgement: Rejuvenation, rebirth, improvement, and development.  That sounds about right.
2. IMMEDIATE INFLUENCE – The Sun: Accomplishment, contentment, success, satisfaction.  This sounds like a pretty good influence!
3. GOAL OR DESTINY – The Star: Fulfillment, the proper balancing of desire and work, and effort, love and expression, bright prospects.  Wow, you can’t get much better than that!
4. DISTANT PAST FOUNDATION -Knight of Pentacles: A mature and responsible person, reliable, methodical, patient, persistent, organize.  Yup, that’s the person I used to be.  I am working hard to become her again.
5. RECENT PAST EVENTS – Seven of Swords: New plans, endeavor, partial success.  Again, this seems right.  I keep moving, starting new jobs, starting over, and starting new weight loss plans that don’t come to fruition.
6. FUTURE INFLUENCE -The Fool: Thoughtlessness, folly, lack of discipline, irrationality, insecurity, and enthusiasm.  This is going to be what influences my future!?  Well, shit. I had hoped for something a little more promising.
7. THE QUESTIONER -Nine of Cups: Success, marital attainment, well-being, abundance.  Well, I do have a job I like.  I have an awesome husband and an amazing son.  I like where we live.  I could use a little more financial abundance.  Things are tight with money right now and I need to lose weight, but otherwise I’m doing quite well for myself.
8. ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS -King of Pentacles: A person of character and intelligence, loyal friend, reliable marriage partner. I’m not sure how this is an environmental factor.  It just sounds like a description of me.  Maybe I am the environmental factor?
9. INNER EMOTIONS -Nine of Swords: Concern, anxiety, and despair.  Well, that about sums it up!
10. FINAL RESULTS -Ace of Swords: Great determination, initiative, strength, force, activity, triumph, and success.  I couldn’t ask for better! 

A few of these made no sense like the King of Pentacles and the Fool, but overall, it looks like I am going to be able to do what I’m supposed to do and lose the weight.

I also tried to do some shamanic journeying to ask for wisdom.  However, I ended up falling asleep instead, so that ended my Samhain.