Tag Archives: family

Twenty Ways To Celebrate Ostara

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This is what Ostara looks like where I live
  1. Plant plants. Depending on where you live, this may or may not be a good time to plant plants outside. You can also start seeds inside if it’s too cold outside to plant anything yet.
  2. Dye eggs. Eggs have been a symbol of death and rebirth for over 60,000 years. However, dying them is one of the few traditions that do have Christian origins. It was the early Christians in Mesopotamia that dyed eggs red to symbolize Christ’s blood. Though there are a few sources that link it to Germanic Pagan practices as well. Either way, you can still enjoy dying eggs. There are many online tutorials explaining natural dying methods, or you can get a kit from the store.
  3. Have an egg hunt. Whether it’s plastic eggs with toys or candy inside or actual eggs, this can be a lot of fun, especially with kids.
  4. Balance an egg. I know that this seems weird, but it can be done! Supposedly this is one of two days a year where this is possible.
  5. Go for a walk outside. No matter what climate you live in, this is a great way to connect with nature and whatever Ostara feels like where you live.
  6. Decorate your home or altar with flowers. Flowers are another symbol of the fertility of the season.
  7. Go flower picking. Many areas have flowers that grow naturally. Go for a walk and find them!
  8. Make flower crowns or necklaces.
  9. Make foods related to the time of year. Make and eat foods with eggs, baby greens, veal, rabbit, or any foods that are in season for you right now.
  10. Plan a garden. This is a great time to plan a garden, unless the planting season has already begun.
  11. Decorate a tree with wooden painted eggs. Many people decorate outside trees with plastic eggs, but wooden eggs are an environmentally friendly alternative.
  12. Decorate your home with symbols of new life. Bunnies, chicks, baby animals, seedlings, flowers are all fun things to decorate your home with.
  13. Have some intimate time. Fertility is a big part of this holiday, though there are some superstitious people who don’t do it during this unless they’re trying to conceive.
  14. Bake. Challa, hot cross buns, bunny or egg shaped cookies are all things that are appropriate for this season.
  15. Read stories about the season. Read about the Green Man or Persophone. There are many stories about this time of year.
  16. Do animal magic. This can be anything from pretending to be an animal with young kids to doing actual shamanic work.
  17. Go bird watching. Birds tend to be more active this time of year. You may want to learn some nice calls as well.
  18. Dance. Find some music and let yourself go!
  19. Do an Ostara ritual. One of these days I will get around to writing some rituals for each sabbat. When I do that, I will post the link here.
  20. Dress in new clothes. This is an old custom for this time of year.

Twenty Ways To Celebrate Imbolc

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  1. Make a Swedish Snow Lantern. This is a fun way to enjoy the snow, involve kids, and candles. If you live somewhere there is snow, this is a great way to spend the day.
  2. Make a Brigid’s Cross. The Goddess Brigid is always a big part of Imbolc. This cross is usually hung over or near the entry doorway for protection?
  3. Light candles. Candles are used as a form of sympathetic magic to help bring the sun and the warmth back after winter.
  4. Clean your home. A long time ago, our ancestors that lived in colder climates, virtually spent all of their time indoors. As a result, their homes were well-kept during this time.
  5. Declutter your home. Again, one of the themes of this day is about hearth and home. If you have more items than you need, take the time to figure out what you no longer need and donate, sell, or give it to someone who needs it.
  6. Cleanse your home. Every so often, homes have negative energy build up. Now is a great time to cleanse your home of that negativity.
  7. Do guided meditations. A lot of this day is about stillness as well. Search YouTube and find some guided meditations that you like.
  8. Do inner work. Do lit work. Do shadow work. Learn to lucid dream, astral project, or shamanic journeying. The important this is to improve your spirituality by learning something new.
  9. Unplug all electronics for the day. This should be a day of calm self-refllection. Electronics tend to ruin that. Turn off all electronics. If it’s something that you find difficult to do, you may want to make it a habit. Back when I was learning to meditate, I was encouraged to do it during down time like waiting in line at the post office or grocery store. However, that’s the time when most of us pull out our phones now, robbing us of those opportunities.
  10. Light your home by candlelight for the night. I always loved candlelight. It really seems to make things seem special. It gives enough light for interactions with family and friends, but not really enough for solo activities.
  11. Make and eat foods made with milk and dairy products. This is probably the least-celebrated of all of the Sabbats, historically. I think there were only two cultures that celebrated it, back in the day. Those that did, celebrated it because after a long and hard winter, the goats started to lactate again, giving everyone milk and cheese to eat. You don’t have to go out of your way to get goats milk and cheese, but if you do, my favorite is gjetost, a Norwegian goat cheese. But really anything to do with dairy is great. We have a homemade Mac & cheese recipe we like. Ice cream or cheesecake are also fun options. Here is a link to some other cooking options for Imbolc.
  12. Make your own cheese. Making your own cheese is surprisingly easy. The tough part is finding creamline milk that hasn’t been ultra pasteurized. I am lucky that I have a dairy up the road that sells milk like that! Here is a how-to guide on making simple cheese at home.
  13. Read books to improve your spiritual knowledge. There are so many great Pagan books out there. There is also a lot of fluff out there too. In order to find a good book nowadays I usually go off the recommendations of friends or go to an actual bookstore and flip through the book first. You can also try the inter-library loan system. Unfortunately, where I live, they don’t have a lot of Pagan books, even for inter-library loan.
  14. Feed animals who might be struggling through the winter. Those of us whose ancestors lived in cold climates struggled with having enough to eat throughout the winter. Animals still experience that struggle. If you live in a cold climate, consider leaving out some food for them.
  15. Take a walk in the snow (if your locale permits). Even if you live in a warm climate, it’s still a great idea to take a walk in nature and experience what weather is typical for Imbolc in the climate you live in.
  16. Create a corn dolly. This sounds odd because corn is associated with Lughnasadh, but the husks need to be dried first. Apparently Imbolc was a time they were made, possibly in keeping with the need for fertility for planting at Ostara. Here is a tutorial on how to make one.
  17. Create a protective sigil. Home magic is something that is great to do on this day. Here is a guide to making your own sigil.
  18. Do divination. Divination is something else that was commonly practiced historically. Usually questions were asked about the harvest and community, but feel free to ask what you want to know. Don’t have a form of divination? Now s a great time to learn! Tarot, runes, pendulums, palmistry, tea leaves, scrying, the choices are endless!
  19. Tell stories. Now is a great time for storytelling, preferably by candlelight. Pick stories that teach a lesson, teach about your religion, or traditional stories from your people.
  20. Do a ritual. Spend time honoring your personal God’s and beliefs in a ritual.

Creating A Family Yule Tradition

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There are many Pagans who struggle this time of year. It seems like everyone celebrates Christmas, but we celebrate Yule. Whether you’re a new Pagan trying to start new traditions or an experienced Pagan that wants to start including your family in your Sabbat celebrations, this article is for you.

Figure out what you want. Do you want your family to do rituals together? Do you want them to do what you usually do on Christmas, but only on the Solstice instead? Do you want to create new traditions? Which ones? Do a Google search to find some inspiration.

I personally wanted to create a cultural tradition with four presents apiece (something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read). We would have a tree, decorate it with ornaments and natural items like popcorn and cranberries. We would bake cookies together and share a family meal. We would sing songs and spend time together as a family.

Get your spouse or partner on board. Talk with your partner about what you want. Ask them what they want. It’s pretty much a guarantee that you won’t agree about something and will have to compromise.

For my family, I didn’t really care if my son had a mythical being that brought him presents, but my husband did. I hated the idea of our son participating in photos with Santa or our neighborhood nativity play, but my husband didn’t want him to feel left out. My husband’s family had a tradition of getting pajamas and a book the night before Christmas so they can wear them and read. He also had a tradition of the kids each getting an ornament each year, so that by the time they are 18, they will have at least 18 ornaments to decorate a tree of their own. They also all sat around while their parent read “The Night Before Christmas”.

In the end, we agreed to add an ornament to the four gifts. They would open two of the gifts the night before Yule so they could read in their pajamas. We would find some mythical being to believe in related to Yule. We will not do Santa and nativity plays. We also agreed to keep stockings a tradition, but haven’t figured out what to do with them, since they only get five presents. We don’t read “The Night Before Christmas”. My husband makes a big meal for us. The kid(s) and I make and decorate cookies, but not necessarily on Yule.

Take the age of your kids into consideration. The age of a child can make a big difference when it comes to changing family traditions. The given ages are only an approximation, so you can do what works best for you and your children.

0-3 years – If you have young kids, it is an ideal time to start new traditions. If they’re really young, they won’t remember what you did last year,so you can start whatever you want without them knowing any differently.

4-7 years – If they’re a bit older, you can just make your changes saying,”We will be doing it this way from now on.”

8-10 years – They will require more explanation and possibly easing them into it. One year you can change the date and keep everything else the same. The following year you can add one tradition you like and subtract one you don’t like. You can also give some examples and ask them what they would like to include.

11-18 years – At this age, they’re more independent. Due to developmental changes, they’re starting to be more interested in their peers than the family unit. Explain to them what you would like to do. Give them some options and ask for feedback. Don’t just listen to what they have to say and do what you want anyway. Actually incorporate at least one of their suggestions, even if it wasn’t what you had in mind. If they want to celebrate Yule by staying up all night with their friends at your house then exchanging presents at dawn, let them. At least they will be on board with celebrating it, even if it’s not quite what you envisioned.

18+ years – Assuming your kids are living outside of the home, it shouldn’t matter too much what you do to celebrate. If they celebrate with you, you can inform them. There might even be pushback because it’s not what they remember fondly from their childhood. If they really have a problem with it, discuss what traditions were the most important to them and continue those traditions. If your children still live at home over the age of 18, follow the protocol for 11-18 year olds.

Take your extended family into consideration. It’s likely that most of us have some family who aren’t Pagan. Figure out what part they will play in your celebrations. Some more open-minded family members might join you for Yule presents or a Yule dinner. Many will still insist on you celebrating Christmas or Hanukkah the same way they do every year. While you can do what you want, unless they’re toxic people, I see no need to alienate family members just because they celebrate a different holiday.

When my son gets old enough to ask, I intend to explain that they celebrate Christmas so we celebrate it with them. Just like we celebrate Yule, so they come celebrate it with us. Whenever something comes up at these other celebrations that I don’t agree with, I will chalk it up to a difference in holidays. “Oh, Santa comes here because they celebrate Christmas,” then explain that we don’t do Santa when the kid is out of earshot. You may have to explain a few times. You may choose to avoid family that refuses to abide by your wishes.

Take the rest of the world into consideration. When you have kids, they don’t live in a vacuum only seeing and hearing what you want them to. They will be exposed to Christmas at the very least. You should be prepared to explain to your kids when they ask about other holidays.

I personally believe mine should be educated so they know what is out there. I plan to tell him that different people celebrate different things and that’s okay.

What does your family do to celebrate Yule? Please let us know in the comments!

Leaving a Gaslighting Narcissist

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I am one of the lucky few that had already left my gaslighter before realizing that he gaslighted me. Most of the people I have come across are still in relationships with their gaslighter or are just out of that relationship and are dealing with the fallout. Because I was trying for a long time to heal from it, I have read a ton of articles on “how to heal” from a gaslighting narcissist. Almost all say the same thing: leave your gaslighter and do not contact them. However, none of them even come close to warning readers about the kind of fallout they can expect when they leave their gaslighting narcissist. Here are a list of behaviors that a gaslighting narcissist might exhibit when you leave or start showing signs that you want to leave:

  • Controlling money. If you have joint accounts, you can expect them to take some or all of the money you share. Alternatively, they become more controlling with money, especially if you don’t earn any yourself.
  • Trash-talking you. They may claim you are the abusive one. They may accuse you of cheating. They may claim that you are crazy and need help. You can expect to lose many friends and family members if they believe them over you.
  • Isolating you. There are a ton of ways they can isolate you. They could make you feel guilty for spending time with family and friends. They could tell you all of the mean things that your family and friends supposedly said about you. They could spend more time away from the house leaving you to have to look after the kids so you can’t live. They could arrange it so that the second vehicle suddenly doesn’t work and will take their time about getting it fixed so you can’t leave.
  • They may go all out. They may call the police and claim that YOU abused THEM. They may call CPS on you if you are with the kids and they are not. They may completely trash your house before moving out of it.
  • They may try to “love bomb” you in attempts to get you back so they can continue controlling you.
  • They may start stalking you, either in real life or social media.
  • They may manipulate your friends and family to try to get back in touch with you.
  • They may try to manipulate your kids to be biased against you.
  • They may try to take anything else that means a lot to you away from you.
  • They may withhold sex or use sex to manipulate you.
  • They may say meaner things to you than usual to elicit the emotional response they feed off of.
  • They may hide important documents so you can’t leave.
  • In some rare cases, when they feel like they are losing power over you, they may turn to violence. If your gaslighting narcissist turns to violence, contact an abuse hotline and get the fuck out. NOW.

The list above is not exhaustive. It contains the most common behaviors seen when a narcissist thinks they are losing power. If you are still with them, you need to start figuring out how to get out of the relationship. No matter what situation you are in, you can get out, you can be free. No, your gaslighting narcissist is not going to change. They may give the appearance of change, but they will never change. The only thing you can do is leave and have as little contact as possible. If you are not in a situation where they are physically abusive, you need to prepare yourself for leaving to avoid as little of the fallout as possible.

  • Separate your finances. If you have your name on any joint financial ventures, get your name off anything you can without attracting attention. If you only have a joint bank account, get one just for you. If you are working, make sure your checks go into your personal account. If you are not working, do what you can to get money together. You can check out ratracerebellion.com to find some online jobs that aren’t scams (they check to make sure all postings are real jobs). The lack of money seems to be the biggest hurdle to people leaving their gaslighting narcissist. Even look into friends or family you could stay with. Or see if there are local resources for abused people. I will list some at the bottom of this article.
  • Find people you can trust. Gaslighting narcissists try to isolate you from your family and friends. Get talking to them again. Start with the most trusted friend or family member. Tell them what has been going on and explain what the effects have been on you. Move on to the point where you have a close group of family and friends that you can trust and know what is going on. You will need them to be there for you emotionally and sometimes physically. You will also have them to back you up in case your gaslighting narcissist tries to lie about you. Also, be aware that some people may not believe you. I know it will hurt (it hurt me like hell), but you need to cut those people out of your life for right now. Also warn them that your gaslighting narcissist will try to get to you through them once you leave and tell them not to relay any messages from them.
  • Gather all important papers and documents together and put them out of your gaslighting narcissist’s reach. Whether it’s the trunk of your car, with a trusted friend or family member, or a safe deposit box, find a place where they can’t be reached.
  • Document everything. Nobody wants to think about this part. Nobody wants to think that the person they love so much would ever try and do something to you legally, but it is pretty common. If you have kids, I cannot emphasize this enough. Screenshot all texts that puts your gaslighting narcissist in a bad light (it shouldn’t be difficult). Get a recorder app on your phone and record all conversations, whether on the phone or in real life. If your gaslighting narcissist tries to do anything against you, whether to get custody, try to put you in a mental health ward, press charges, etc. you will have proof that they are lying.
  • Choose your battles. What is most important for you to get out of leaving? Would you want to keep the house that is in both your names? Your car? Your kids? Your business? Which belongings are most important for you to have if you have to leave in a hurry. You need to figure out what is the most important and be prepared to act on it.
  • Get a lawyer. See about any abuse survivors assistance you can get. Contact local lawyers and ask if they are willing to take on a pro bono case.
  • Figure out what the living arrangements are going to look like. Do you own the house and will kick your gaslighting narcissist out? Are you going to stay with friends or family? Are you going to stay in a shelter? Are you going to get another apartment? Also figure out child care, if necessary.
  • Protect your own emotions. Try using the Grey Rock method of communicating with your gaslighting narcissist. Essentially the method is for you to be boring and show no emotions since narcissists feed off of emotions and drama. The only down side is that your gaslighting narcissist may choose to do more obvious and hurtful things just to get a reaction from you.

So, now you’ve done it. You got your shit in order and you left your gaslighting narcissist. Now you feel empty and alone. You doubt every decision you make. You feel like nobody cares about you. And to make it worse, your gaslighting narcissist is doing a bunch of the things on the first list to try and regain power over you. These things will help you deal with the logistics of leaving your gaslighting narcissist. I will make another article about how to heal.

  • Go “no contact”. Block their phone number. Block their e-mail addresses. Block them on social media. Lock down your social media accounts so only friends can see anything about you. If you can’t go “no contact” because you have kids or a divorce to settle, only use text-based methods of conversing and make sure you use the Grey Rock method.
  • Get your name off of any other legal documents you can. Remove your name (or their name) from credit cards, bank accounts, leases, utility bills, loans, titles or deeds, or any shared business ventures so they cannot mess up your finances.
  • Have a plan.
  • DO NOT rise to the bait when your gaslighting narcissist tries to elicit an emotional reaction from you.
  • Be prepared to go to the police if necessary. Restraining orders can be your friend.
  • Cut out anyone who is their family or friend, especially on social media. If someone knows what they did and still wants to be friends with you both, you don’t need a friend like that. It is better to have a few good friends you can trust rather than having to wonder and worry about who is actually on your side.
  • Consider changing your name on social media so your gaslighting narcissist won’t be able to search for you. It could even just be your first and middle name.
  • Talk to your kids about the situation in an age-appropriate way. Don’t worry about making your ex look like the “bad guy”. Your ex will not have the same reservations you do. If they’re old enough, explain some basic manipulation techniques so they can be aware and protect themselves if your ex ever ends up getting to see them again.

Resources
U.S.A. National Abuse Hotline
U.K. National Abuse Hotline
Law Advise for Abuse Survivors (I am assuming this is U.S.A.)

Motherhood: Becoming an Expert in Worrying

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Whenever anyone thinks of any of the mother aspects of the Goddess, people tend to think of the miracle of growing a child into a baby, the miracle of birth, and the warm, loving motherly energy that the ideal mother would give — maybe with some wisdom to go with it.

However, most mothers do not really seem to think or feel that way about ourselves. Frankly, if you’re a mom, you’re probably stressed out and feeling guilty because you don’t have enough time to do all of the things you feel like you should be doing. I know that’s how I feel. I kind of let go of the fact that I created a very awesome human not too long after he was born. I spent the rest of the time worrying and making sure we were doing everything perfectly.

My son, two days old

That didn’t work out so well because nobody’s perfect. Right off the bat, I suffered from baby blues. I was afraid of how fragile he was. One tiny snap or shake or drop, and he could be seriously injured for life! I was so afraid of screwing him up. It didn’t help that I didn’t produce enough milk for my son, so we had to supplement with formula. It turned out he had a tongue and lip tie that nobody checked for until he was 10 months old. By then it was too late to recover my milk supply and he already was a good eater of solid foods.

As he grew, I grew less worried about some things and more worried about others. My son is very good about eating, but I still worry that he’s going to choke on a hotdog or something. Last month he started learning to climb. Since then, he has been climbing on everything and trying to climb up and over the back of the couch. Now I worry about him climbing something, falling, and hurting himself.

Now that he’s almost 19 months old, I found something new to worry about — his development. Now my son is very smart. He has figured out how to get through or around almost every baby gate we have. He can figure out how do things that we have found surprising. Today I took a wooden animal puzzle, dumped it out, and watched him put all of the animals back in the right place, even rotating some of them to do it. But he has yet to really talk.

Yeah, this is the the puzzle he put back together on his own at almost 19 months.

He has learned several signs and uses them regularly. He says “mamamamamama” when he’s upset and wants me to comfort him. Last week he started telling us to “stop”. However, he really only has a handful of words that he uses and maybe three that he uses regularly. He has only just started babbling with any regularity. He was supposed to start pointing at things around a year and he only started doing it 2-3 months ago. He’s supposed to have 20 words by the time he’s 18 months and is supposed to be more interested in talking than signing. but that is not the case.

So now I am wondering, is there something wrong with him? Is there something wrong with what we’re doing? Are we not spending enough time talking to him? Possibly. I work a lot and tend to be too tired when I come home to really attempt to converse with him. I read to him almost every night. At every meal time we try to get him to copy sounds (without success), trying to get him to call something, anything by name. He can eat an entire meal using a fork, but he won’t call the water “wa wa”. I’m sure he’ll figure it out eventually. At least, I hope so!

Anyway, while there are many magical aspects of motherhood, including watching the amazing changes as kids grow from babies to toddlers. No doubt there will be many more magical things to come. However, the worrying is SO TOUGH!

Imbolc With My Family

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As I think I have stated before, we are trying to celebrate the Pagan sabbats (holidays) more as cultural holidays. For Imbolc, we planned to do a thorough cleaning of the house, to purify it, and have a dinner with my family with Imbolc-appropriate foods. My husband and I spent the first half of the day dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, and mopping our house. Even though there were still several areas that needed work, the areas that had been attended to (clothes, books, and papers) were starting to be happy areas amid the rest of the chaos. I was actually starting to be happy with how our house was looking!

Afterwards, we all went to go see two houses that were for sale in our area in our price range. Our price range was low and everything was in a “fixer-upper” category. We’ll see how the process goes!

We got back later than expected. I was going to make cheese pull-apart bread and my husband was going to make sugar-free brownies. He was also going to make homemade cheese curds for poutine (french fries with gravy and cheese curds). He did make the fries from scratch though. They were delicious! Everyone but me had iced cream for dessert.

In talking over the holiday with my mom and step-dad, they seemed to think that there should be something more to the holiday than they saw. Not being Pagan, I expected them to just want to eat dinner with us. However, I guess they wanted some weird Pagany stuff. I told them that divination was common and I could get out my tarot cards if they wanted (I’m really very bad at them, but I’m working to get better). Luckily for me they declined. Lighting candles is a big part of Imbolc, but I couldn’t figure out what we were going to do after those candles were lit! Although at the end of the evening, I realized story telling was also a good idea, so maybe we will try that next year!

Freedom of Religion?

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I’m going to start this post by stating that I live in the U.S.A..  This is relevant because here we supposedly have freedom of religion.  Basically, The First Amendment to the “United States Constitution prevents the government from making laws which respect an establishment of religion, prohibit the free exercise of religion….”  There is also a clause preventing workplaces from discriminating on a number of factors, one being religion.  The exception is if the employer is a religious institution. 

Just because the laws say there shouldn’t be any discrimination against religions, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.  It just means that employers can’t mention your religion when they fire you for it.  I’m pretty sure I have been fired for my religion at least twice in my life.  It could have been more than that, but when I get fired because I’m “not a good fit” with a school district, yet they kept a teacher who literally held a student forcibly against a wall and lied about his knowledge of the subject matter he was supposed to be teaching, it’s pretty clear there was something off about their explanation of my firing. 

Why is this coming up now?  I was chatting with my husband the other day.  He couldn’t understand why I enjoyed watching The Good Witch.  I explained that not only is it the most accurate portrayal of Paganism that I’ve seen on TV, but also that I have a dream of one day of moving somewhere and finally being accepted for who I really am, Paganism and all.  My husband flat out told me that it would never happen.  I held back my tears and told him I needed time to myself.  He assumed it was for another reason and I let him.  When I got there, I cried.  I cried for all of the times that I have had to move.  I cried because he had almost dashed my hopes that it was possible to be accepted in a small town for being Pagan. 

While I have gotten good at hiding it from my employers over the past 5 years or so, my son will be starting pre-K in the district I work in before I get tenure.  I had a choice.  I could hide my religion from my son or I can live my truth at home and hope that when the time comes, I will have been there long enough that they will overlook it.  I refuse to hide who I am from my son, so that’s the option I’m going for right now. 

Having to hide who I am in order to get (and keep) a teaching job really hurts.  It’s not like I would ever teach my students about my religion.  I just want to be able to wear a pentacle to work without worrying about being fired.  I want to be able to take my holidays off of work without fearing that I will lose my family’s sole source of income. 

It really pisses me off when I see some of my Christian friends complain that there is a “war on Christmas” because people say “Happy Holidays”.  Really!?  Christmas is a national fucking holiday!  Or when they complain that they’re being discriminated against because they can’t pray in schools.  Uh, actually, the students can.  They just can’t have it be led or required in any way by the school or any adult.  Not to mention if I had a dollar for the number of times someone on the Pagan Parenting group that I’m part of complained about the promotion of religion by someone at their school, I would be rich. 

I’m just sick of feeling like this.  I’m sick of hiding who I am.  I’m sick of worrying about losing my job if I do anything to even hint at being Pagan.  The gays had their chance at rights.  They’re working on transgender rights now.  I just wish there was something that I could do.  But there’s already a law that’s supposedly protecting me.  It just doesn’t.  Please comment and tell me that there’s hope.  I want to know that there are some open Pagans out there — preferably in small towns and teaching positions, that are actually accepted for who they are. 

Santa Claus Alternatives for Pagan Kids

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I have mentioned before that I am working on starting family traditions while my son is still young.  He’s 16 months old, so I figured now is the perfect time to figure all of this out.  My husband and I both want to celebrate Yule, but our families both celebrate Christmas.  In no other religion that I know of do you have to create new traditions when you join.  One of the things I love about being an Eclectic Pagan is is that I take whatever works from whatever religion I like.  I like it because there are so many good things in so many religions worth “stealing”.  However, when it comes to figuring out how to celebrate holidays, it makes things tough.

My husband and I had the “Santa Claus” talk.  I was in favor of telling not telling our son about Santa, he wasn’t.  His argument had nothing to do with “the truth” or getting to participate in the “magic” of it and everything to do with how our son wouldn’t know about Santa when he entered school.  Because of this, I started researching some options for our family. Here are some options of Santa Claus alternatives for Pagan kids.

 A depiction of the Holly King

The Holly King – In Celtic traditions, there is a story of the Oak King and the Holly King. The Holly King rules the cold part of the year with the height of his power being at Yule. At the equinoxes, the power switches hands. The Holly King also looks quite a bit like Santa Claus.

Mother Berchta –  She rides her goat with a sack on her back full of foods.  She goes to houses, roasts the goat and gives the food.  The bones go back in the bag and out jumps the goat good as new!  One time a child purposely broke one of the goat’s bones and she put the child in the bag and took then away.  So now she brings gifts to good kids and takes the bad ones.  

Odin – Odin had a lot of characteristics of what we think of as Santa Claus now. His name in Old Norse even has the first syllable of “Jul” ( pronounced Yule in English).

Odin on Sleipnir

The Yule Lads –  It’s a Scandinavian tradition (in Scandinavia, they still call Christmas, Jul) where the kids leave their shoe on the windowsill for the last 13 nights before Yule.  If they were good, they get a treat. If not, they get a rotten potato. 

A depiction of some of the Yule Lads on a Scandinavian milk carton

This is also a great article about some lesser-known festive traditions!

What does your family do? Tell us in the comments below!


I’m A Bad Pagan

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I just read through a very touching blog post at My Wiccan Story.  It was a sweet story of how she prayed to the Goddess in a time of need and how the Goddess helped.  I kind of touched on it in my last post, but I have been spending so much time trying to not appear Pagan, that I have lost a lot of my Pagan-ness. 

I’m a teacher.  While I believe firmly in the separation between church and state, I also believe in freedom of religion.  I have never once preached about Paganism to my students.  I have never even taught them about it.  At my first teaching job, however, I did wear a ring with a pentacle on it.  One of my students made a big deal out of me being “a witch”.  His mother started a “witch hunt” and complained about me constantly.  She even snuck into the school to observe my class to find things to further complain about.  I was asked not to return because I was “a bad fit with the district.”. 

At my next job, I left my overtly religious jewelry at home.  I had a necklace that looked like mother earth and I often wore that or necklaces made of gemstones.  I was asked to return for a second year.  The school had open tennis on their tennis courts certain days after school.  Since I was trying to get into better shape, I would often go out there to play.  I made the mistake of wearing my Pagan Pride Day t-shirt one day.  It was seen by a board member.  I wasn’t even given a reason for being fired.  My principal and superintendent tried to back me up, but the board of education voted me out. 

After that, I was pretty butthurt.  I refused to mention my religion at work.  I was careful where I work my Pagan t-shirts, in case someone saw me.  I made sure not to become close to anyone at work in case they found out and made it public.  Nonetheless, I went through three more schools in three years.  After a time when I couldn’t get a job, I found a job in the most unlikely place — Catholic school.  I applied for a job, not realizing that the name of the school referred to something that was Catholic.  An even bigger surprise, was that I got the job!  I doubled down in my efforts to hide my religion.  My boss knew I wasn’t Catholic, but she definitely didn’t know that I was Pagan.  I had to attend Mass and teach my students Catholic hymns.  Hey, it was a job and I did it well for three years.  They were three miserable years where I worried constantly about being fired if they ever found out I was Pagan.

I found another public school job and was happy to get out.  Unfortunately, that one didn’t work out either and I got my job where I am now.  I work in a small town.  I am again afraid that people will find out and I will lose my job.  Tenure has been raised to four years, so my son is going to be entering Pre-K before I get tenure.  I can teach him absolutely nothing about our beliefs to save my job, but that makes me sad inside.  I want to be able to share my religion with my son. 

I realized that while my religion absolutely needs to stay out of my work, it can absolutely become part of my home life.  The problem is that I spent so long trying to appear normal, to fit in, that I really stuffed all of my Pagan-ness deep down.  I want to start doing some things daily to reaffirm my Pagan-ness and create a culture of Paganism at home, but I don’t know what to do or where to start.  When I’m grateful for something good, I want to remember to thank the Gods.  When things are not going well, I want to think to ask the Gods for help.  My son is 15 months old and my husband is vaguely Pagan-ish who will go along with things so long as they’re not too “out there”. I actually set up my altar again and even decorated it for Samhain.  I don’t know what steps to take next.  How do I start creating a Pagan culture at home? 

Practicing Paganism Daily

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One of the reasons I started this blog was because I was feeling really stagnant in my spirituality.   I used to just celebrate the Sabbats with my Circle.  Then I moved away for a year and didn’t really celebrate them much at all.  I am really trying to find a way to live as a Pagan rather than just be like one of those Christians who goes to church on just Easter and Christmas. I am back, but moved a bit far to make it to every Circle, though I am close enough to attend some of them now.

Anyway, what I really want to do is make Paganism a daily habit and a family identity, now that my son is 15 months old.  Now is the time to start new habits and traditions because my son will grow up thinking that this is the way things have always been because he won’t remember a time when they weren’t!  My religion was always very internalized.  It doesn’t help that I have to hide it at work, so my practice has almost always been in my mind and my heart.  It’s difficult to do this with any religion that one converts to because one must start from scratch and learn to start incorporating new traditions.  At least with the book religions, there is a set way of doing things.  One thing I like about eclectic Paganism is that you can pick and choose what you like.  The down-side is I have to pick and choose how to practice.  There are a number of things that I need to do:

  • a grace or blessing for food (I wanted something relatively short and simple that rhymes, but haven’t found one that really resonates with me yet)
  • create holiday traditions
  • find some sort of meaningful daily practice that ties into my religion
  • find or make some Pagan decor
  • decorate for each holiday
  • make decorations for each holiday
  • find a way of explaining each holiday to my family and friends and find a way for them to celebrate it with us if they choose (and if appropriate)
  • change language from Christian to Pagan (like instead of “oh my God” replace it with “oh my Goddess”, ‘Jesus Christ” can become “Odin’s balls”, etc.)
  • find some Pagan-friendly children’s books to read to my son

I really like writing this blog because it gives me the opportunity to reexamine my beliefs. I have been focusing on book reviews and Sabbats lately. I love going through my books and rating them based on their usefulness to me! I also love doing each of the Sabbat posts!  It’s really starting to give me some more ideas for how to celebrate each Sabbat.  I have some ideas for the future too!  Once I’m done with the Sabbats, I will move onto the Esbats.  Then I will continue onto different deities, ritual tools, spells, and rituals.  Oddly enough, out of all of those, I am least familiar with the deities.  It’s probably because I see all of the deities around the world as just aspects of one Goddess and one God who, in turn, are just the male and female aspects of one energy/deity/being. As such, I really haven’t researched many of their identities or lore.  Ugh, so much to do, so little time! 

Anyway, I would love to hear any suggestions you have for ways to incorporate Paganism into daily practice, please leave a comment!  Also, if there’s some content you would like to see on here, please comment and let me know!