Midsummer or Litha takes place on the summer solstice (around June 21st in the northern hemisphere and December 21st in the southern hemisphere. This is my explanation of this holiday. It may or may not work for you and your path. There are a number of things that this Sabbat usually celebrates:
The power and strength of the sun
Various sun Gods
The longest day of the year
The Oak King takes over for the Holly King
Some ways of celebrating culturally are:
Have a bonfire
Eat foods that honor fire (usually spicy)
Eat seasonal foods
Go on a picnic
Go for a hike
Drink mead, but drink responsibly
Have a drum circle
Dance
Host a barbeque
Watch the sun rise
Spend time with family
Pick herbs
Make a flower or oak leaf crown or wreath
Pick seasonal foods (where I live, this means we go strawberry picking)
Watch A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Some ritual ideas are:
Fire magic
Drum or make other music
Dance or move
Honor a sun God
Reaffirm your relationship to any deities you work with
I am part of a lot of Wicca groups on Facebook. Almost daily we get someone who is new and wants to know about Wicca or Paganism asking what they need to do. Some also ask for a teacher. Almost 100% of the people who respond to those posts send them a book list to read. There are tons of people who do not learn that way and could use a teacher. Admittedly, people are going to have to read this, but I’m not giving you full books to read. These are my recommendations for people who are new and want to learn more.
Figure out what you believe. Is there a specific pantheon you are interested in? Are you interested in a specific type of Wicca? Figure out which deities you want to worship.
How would you like to worship?
Are you light, dark, or grey? Are you interested in only good deities and harming none? Are you interested in being in the middle because nature isn’t just light? Are you interested in dark imagery and exploring the darker side of you?
Are all of these questions too much or too specific for you? Here are some good ways to get started in Wicca. There are other types of Paganism out there worth looking into as well, in case you decide Wicca isn’t right for you.
Look into different Gods and Goddesses to see which ones resonate with you.
Connect with like-minded people. Find others near you. There are a number of groups on Facebook. Join them and see if there is anyone who lives near you. Check meetup to see if there is a local group. See if there are any metaphysical shops near you. They may offer classes or at least may connect you with any groups in the area. See if there is a Pagan Pride Day near you. Attend and make some friends!
Don’t agree with my assessments about the Elements, Sabbats and Esbats, altar tools and setup, or how to create a Circle? That’s great! That means you have an opinion on how something works and that will help you better find the path that’s right for you. There is no right way to worship in Wicca. Find what works for you and do it!
Several of you may have noticed that I didn’t mention divination (like tarot cards, pendulums, runes, etc.) or spells. Wicca is a religion. While many people who believe in Pagan religions may cast spells or read tarot cards, they are not a part of the religion. There are people who do divination and cast spells that are not religious and there are people that worship in this religion without doing divination and casting spells. For those who are interested, I will include articles about those in the future.
A final note about meeting Wiccans in real life. Because this is more of a “do-it-yourself” religion than book religions, we often end up with a lot of the people that are no longer welcome in churches, a synagogues, or mosques for a variety of reasons that then choose Paganism. There are some socially awkward people, some flaky people, and some toxic people. If you see any red flags, avoid those who display them. However, there are some truly wonderful Pagans out there, so don’t let that deter you from finding your tribe!
Some people prefer to just celebrate the Sabbats. I see those as Sun holidays, since they are all determined by the solar calendar. The Esbats are Moon holidays, since they are determined by the moon. I think that celebrating both is important for a balance in my religious practice.
However, I had put off writing this article for a while because I never really celebrated these apart from a group. When I first started learning about Paganism in the form of Wicca, the only thing I knew to do to celebrate the full moon was to do a “Drawing Down of the Moon”. However, I had never progressed far enough in my Wiccan studies to learn how to do this, so once I started celebrating with a Circle that only sporadically celebrates full moons. For years, I didn’t really celebrate Full Moons. Sometimes I just forgot. Other times, I didn’t keep track of the full moons. Now that I am trying to revitalize my faith, I am trying to celebrate them. At the time of this writing, I still didn’t know how to do a “Drawing Down of the Moon”. I did some soul-searching and some research and this is what I came up with.
This is what this Esbat celebrates:
The most powerful time of the Lunar cycle
Most magically potent time of the Lunar cycle
The cyclic nature of life
Women’s monthly cycles
The Mother aspect of the Triple Goddess
Fertility and fruition
Here are some ways that I and others celebrate it culturally.
I have briefly mentioned a few times in this blog that I have been gaslit in the past by my ex-husband. A lot of people have not heard this term before, not even some of the people it actually happens to. A quick Google search says that gaslighting is: to “manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity”. When they put it that way, it sounds insane. Like what kind of person could actually fall for that?
Well, me for one. I went into that relationship a strong, independent, often stubborn woman. I left in a massive depression. I had low self-esteem, emotional issues, trust issues, and an inability to make even the simplest decisions without needing a second opinion. I felt like I lost almost all of my friends along with my favorite hobby. I left that relationship over 5 years ago, but it still affects me today. In working my 4th step in OA, I realized that about half of my grudges were held either against my ex or because of my ex. It has brought the issue back to my mind lately. I joined a gaslighting support group on Facebook. Someone mentioned making a list of all of the things that your gaslighter did so you don’t go back to him. There’s no danger of that for me. But I figured it might be therapeutic for me to make a list of ways my ex used to mess with my mind and the end result.
He corrected my manners, often in public. This happened a lot in our early relationship.
He told me that I was not behaving like I should, again in public. This also happened a lot in our early relationship.
He did things to deliberately make me jealous (like I walked into a party and saw a girl on his lap, for example). He also claimed that he never got jealous.
He found ways to make me ashamed for taking joy in whatever made me happy, often the little things. This happened often.
He argued with me, told me that things didn’t happen how I remembered them. This happened often.
He told me that I would never be good at the things that meant a lot to me.
He withheld sex unless it was under circumstances where he would try to bait me with sex instead of going out.
I had another blog at the time. He told me how I ended up painting others in a bad light with my wording. He proofread every blog to “help me” prevent this.
Just when I was fed up with his shit and contemplated leaving, he would make some grand gesture, apologize, and tell me how much he loved me, couldn’t live without me, etc. This happened several times.
I did many things to make him happy. He did very little for me.
Whenever I cried, he walked away letting me cry rather than hold me or comfort me in any way.
I was bedridden for a few weeks. He wouldn’t even get me a glass of water, much less walk me to the bathroom (which I needed). My mom and sister had to come and help take care of me.
He told me the negative things our mutual friends “said” about me.
He said mean things to me, then told me he was just kidding. This happened a lot.
His actions never matched his words.
He rarely kept his promises.
He invalidated my emotions.
He rarely supported me in anything.
He told me I was not attractive to him anymore because I had gained weight (maybe it’s not gaslighting, but it didn’t help matters).
He often ignored me when he was home and then told me I was too needy because I wanted to spend time with him.
After we split up, he told half of our mutual friends that I cheated on him and the other half that he was concerned about my mental well-being. He seemed to know which ones to tell which.
He made me feel unwelcome in a hobby we both enjoyed because when we split up, most of the friends from that hobby believed him and abandoned me.
To the outsider, this might seem like a list of little things. But these “little things” added up a lot — especially after over 7 years together. Also remember that I loved and trusted him to know and do what was best for me. I feel like a sucker now. All of these things resulted in the following long-term problems for me:
I don’t react well to being corrected.
I second-guess my manners and ability to act correctly in public.
I get jealous and now have a fear of being cheated on.
I take don’t take joy in the little things anymore. When I do, I tend to keep my pleasure to myself.
I get overly bothered and emotional when someone tells me something is not the way I remember it.
I got emotional about trying to be good at the things I aspired to. I eventually gave some of them up because the emotions were too much and too embarrassing.
I have issues making decisions sometimes. I sometimes call it “chronic indecision”.
I had to ask other people to validate my decisions for years. I still have to fight the urge sometimes.
When I am fed up with someone’s shit, I just leave and never turn back. It’s not even an option to go back. My brain is now hard-wired to not give second-chances in relationships.
I get angry and emotional if I think that my current relationship is lopsided in its affection and in doing things for each other.
If someone I am in a relationship with doesn’t comfort me when I am upset, he isn’t worth my time.
If I legitimately need help and someone I am in a relationship with doesn’t help me (unless they can’t), he isn’t worth my time.
I have serious trust issues about friendships. I also don’t see myself as someone who makes friends easily, but I am unsure if that is due to the gaslighting or not.
I “can’t take a joke” now. I don’t appreciate abrasive or mean jokes and get “overly sensitive” about them.
I no longer believe people when they say something about themselves.
I no longer expect people to keep their promises.
I often don’t know what I am feeling because I forget that it’s important
I tend not to seek out others for support, even if I really need it.
I am overly sensitive about my weight. I also suspect that I was keeping it on to purposely look disgusting to him and keep him away.
I am often afraid to ask for time or affection in relationships, even today.
I still don’t know who of our mutual friends is actually my friend. I have mostly dropped them all. There are a few I keep in touch with, but I still question their friendship in my mind and hang out with them rarely.
I have attempted to return to that hobby multiple times. Each time I feel awkward, emotional, and friend-less, so I have stopped returning. It also doesn’t help that I see him every time. And every time I see him is this pang of emotional rage — at both him for what he did to me and at me for allowing it.
I started watching this show on Netflix one day to help me get some motivation to tidy up our house. I found Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. I binge-watched these over a matter of days (I know there are only 8 episodes, but I have a job and a toddler). I started to work on my clothes first. Clothes weren’t that big a deal for me. Since I had given birth, I was a larger size than before I got pregnant, so I needed new clothes. As such, I only had a few clothes that actually fit me. I did end up getting rid of stained clothes and a few pieces that I just don’t wear. Then I folded them up in the special way she insists on folding them. It was funny because as I ran my hand along the clothing to fold them in the right way, I felt a small energy exchange between my hand and the clothing. I actually enjoyed folding my clothes this way. I also liked how they looked when I opened the drawers.
Yes, I had officially drunk the Marie Kondo Kool-Aid. I visited my local library and took out her book since the shows really don’t address Step 2: Books or Step 3: Papers. It was a quick and satisfying read. I took a “before” video to show how our house looks on the average day. While I was reviewing this video I realized two things: this house is nowhere near as bad as some of the ones I have seen, but this house is worse than I thought it was in other respects.
My house before tidying up the Marie Kondo way (to be fair, I already did the clothes at this point)
